Started Out As An Experiment, Now an Addiction
by xxBrokenxxAngelxx
Summary: She cracked. She can't handle it anymore. She's falling bit by bit. She's losing control. And she hates it. Takes place in Fifth year. Rated for heavy angst. HarryParvati pairing.
1. Enough is Enough

It Started Out As An Experiment..It Ended Up As An Addiction..

Disclaimer: Nooo, I'm really JK Rowling, and I'm writing fanfiction because it's more satisfying then writing the Seventh Book. Do you have a problem with it? No, I'm joking, I'm just an unworthy Grade Eighter who finds mild amusement and odd fascination in taking JK Rowlings Characters and twisting them up for my own happiness. No, I am not on Drugs. I swear on the cocaine I am holding. Wait. (frowns) (hides plastic bag and runs) I'm joking! I swear on-you know what I'll stop doing that. Here...umm…the rest of the little author noting thingie.

Summary: It started out as an experiment for Parvati Patil, who needed some release from all the pain she was having. She had cracked. Suddenly, she couldn't stop anymore and no longer was it just a test. Now it was an addiction, and no one can stop her. Takes place in Fourth or Fifth Year.

**PARVATI'S POV**

Parvati Patil threw herself on her bed, trying to stop the tears before they flowed from her burning eyes. Succeeding, she turned over on her bed and caught her breath. She couldn't do this anymore. Why couldn't anyone, even if it had to be that know-it-all Granger girl, notice that she was melting, dying, killing herself little by little, as every second passed.

She wanted to scream.

She couldn't believe that for the past few weeks, all the girls, even her twin, had started ignoring her, all because Harry Potter, insolent bastard he was, had asked her for the Yule Ball. It was all a facade for the first few days with her friends. But after Potter had not even thrown a second

glance over to her, all her used to be friends had smirked.

And now she was no better then Granger herself.

She needed out. Parvati sat up on the bed and peeked out through the curtains. Granger, Lavender, and Ella's curtains were closed, and Parvati presumed that they were just sleeping. She slipped off her bed and left the room.

She sat down on a couch in front of the fireplace and stared into the blazing orange and yellow flames.

She knew she wouldn't go to sleep that night.

**Please Review**

If, and only IF, you liked it, will I make the forecoming updates LONGER and LONGER and more informative. But for that to happen, I will need your review. For that to happen, you'll need to review. If that made sense then..yeah

Stuff about me: In many ways, I am much like the Parvati Patil I am writing.


	2. The Way We Used To Be

Wow! Two people reviewed. Well, I guess this is kind of long. I don't know if you'll think whether or not it's kind of fast though. It's the Christmas Season! Woo hoo. Oh okay. I'm done. This is for those two who reviewed. Thanks a lot!

Disclaimer: Do you really need one of these? Why do you even read it? What is the point? Why the hell would JK Rowling be making FANFICTION of all kinds?

Warning: Some Parvati/Harry and some Harry/Ginny ahead. Have fun. Please review.

**Parvati's POV**

As soon as she was done writing the note, she put it at a spot someone might see, and straightened up, trying not to let her tears blur her vision. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat and licked her dry lips. She was ready.

She sighed, and closed her burning eyes. She would not cry. She would not. She opened the Portrait Hole and stumbled out it, ignoring the Fat Lady's suspicious questions. She made her way down the corridor, her hands stuffed in her pocket. Only after a while did she remember she forgot to bring her wand.

Oh well.

**Harry's POV**

Harry Potter let out a chuckle, letting his arms slip around Ginny's lower waist. He tilted his head forwards to kiss her when she suddenly pulled away, her eyes wide, and a playful smile on her lips.

"Shhh, Harry, someone's coming." She hissed, her light brown eyes glittering. She was biting her lower lip, grinning. Harry laughed quietly, and watched as Ginny took his arms from her lower waist and walked, almost tiptoed over to the door. She opened it a crack and peered out it.

Harry yawned, and leaned against the wall, letting his fingers run through his black messy hair. He saw an expression on Ginny's face he couldn't quite interpret as she turned around. He frowned at her, and straightened up walking to her.

"Who was it?" He asked, his eyebrows creased, taking one of her arms and putting it around his neck. Ginny rolled her eyes, smiling at Harry warmly.

"No one..." She trailed off, "that matters..." She added before leaning her head up to let her lips press against his. At first Harry seemed rather reluctant; a question on his tongue, but soon Ginny had taken over that as well as she pulled him closer by his robes, giving him a wider entrance for her mouth.

How could Harry resist?

**Parvati's POV**

Parvati Patil swept down the corridor when she heard a few hushed voices and some giggling. She immediately recognized it as Harry's and Ginny's, her former friends. Parvati stopped, faltering. Maybe she should just turn around...or...

Dismissing that thought, she continued down the hallway and took a turn. She leaned against the wall as she heard Ginny close the door.

"Who was it?" Oh that voice, how it used to haunt her dreams. It was so light, and so soothing. Parvati let a somewhat sleepy smile on her lips as she remembered his intoxicating emerald eyes. How they had come so close to kissing-

"No one." Ginny Weasley said, almost harshly. Well that's how it sounded to Parvati's ears. She winced, trying not to cry. Ginny had been such a great friend. Parvati rubbed her eyes, before the tears gave way and went back to her route. She was heading for the Astronomy tower.

**Harry's POV**

"Good night Harry." Ginny told Harry in a seductive voice, trailing her lips with a finger. Harry shook his head, laughing. Ginny gave him a peck on the cheek before running up the stairs to the girl's dorm room and disappearing into it. Harry yawned, and started up his stairs as well ready for a good night sleep when he paused.

Something was unsettling his stomache as he frowned. What was going-Harry scanned the room, still frowning. Was there something different about the room? Why did he feel as if something bad was about to happen?

Now chewing on his lower lip nervously, Harry walked over to the couch and looked at it for a minute. Why did his mind tell him to search farther? Closer? Shaking his head, and thinking he really needed a good nights sleep to clear his head, Harry turned around when something caught his eye.

He bent over to look closer and realize it was a note, tucked neatly between the pillow and the couch. Harry looked around the common room to see if anyone else was there. Nope.

He let his fingers hover the note before grasping it and unfolding it. He gasped.

_Dear Reader,_

_Like you'll even care if you are reading this, but I guess I came to a conclusion today. After the incident at the Great Hall with Ginny and probably all of the other Gryffindor, no one will probably give a sh-- that I'm doing this._

_To tell you the truth, you're probably very relieved._

_I'm not going to blame anyone but myself. Thank you if you did play some part in my pointless life. I'll be out of yours forever now._

_Parvati Patil_

_PS: Please...could you tell my parents I loved them? A lot? And that they did nothing to deserve the child they did…and probably Padma as well…_

At this point Harry couldn't read the rest, tears from somewhere unknown were blurring the rest of the words that were scratched out.

Harry put the piece of parchment closer to his nose, attempting to comprehend what else she had written.

Giving up, Harry threw the note into the flames, and hesitated for a moment, wondering what exactly he should do. Maybe this was all just some type of trick to gain someone's attention of some sort. Maybe it was just a game.

Maybe it was real. Harry had to make sure. He pushed open the Portrait hole and ignored the very disgruntled Fat Lady and sprinted down the corridor.

Where would a somewhat suicidal young teen girl go at Hogwarts?

He ran to the Astronomy Tower.

**Parvati's POV**

Parvati stood at the ledge of the sill, staring at the sky. It would end soon. They would be happy and…she might be too. She smiled. She took in a deep breath and let it out.

She wondered momentarily who would find the note. What would they think? Would they take it as a joke? Would they laugh? What if no one even noticed? Very ironic.

Who cared?

Parvati let the smile linger on her face for a bit longer as she let out a breath. Why hadn't she thought of this earlier? She remembered before when she thought suicide to be a desperate cowardly way of escape.

Now she thought otherwise. Another sigh passed her lips.

"It's over." She stated softly. With that she tilted forwards when suddenly a shout, a cry, made her freeze. Parvati frantically gripped the side of the sill, to keep from falling.

"STOP!"

Who was it?

She spun around, regaining her balance. Her hollow dark brown eyes were met with wide frightened emerald ones. Her long black hair flowed freely behind her, begging for her to fall.

Him? What was he doing here?

Parvati felt as if it was a century as they stared at each other, his eyes boring into hers. She felt really numb. She felt as if she was losing some balance. She blinked.

Harry looked her up and down, pausing at her feet, now rocking back and forth. He looked past her at the midnight sky and the few stars that glinted in the darkness. Finally he met back with hers.

"Could-Could you get down?" Harry asked, tentatively. Parvati kept her face impassive, but there was something like hope rising in her chest. Did he really care? Or was this just an act? Why did he seem hesitant?

Was he scared? Of what? Parvati felt every question rest at her lips but she didn't bother to ask them. What were the chances he would answer them? Truthfully?

She looked down at her feet, almost ordering them to step down from the ledge. There would be other chances. Her feet didn't move. She begged silently. Finally one foot stepped down and she was finally on the ground, even with Harry Potter.

Silence enveloped them. Harry opened his mouth and closed it.

"Parvati?" He managed to choke out and to Parvati's horror, a tear slipped down her cheek as she leaned against a wall to catch her breath.

"Wh-Why are you here?" She sobbed, closing her eyes and bowing her head. She felt him walk closer towards her and she was almost grateful. Though, he stopped a few feet away from her, rather apprehensive.

"I...I...I really don't know. I have to go." He muttered distractedly and turned around. He paused for a second, and turned around, looking Parvati in the eyes again, concern clearly evident in those emerald orbs. She blinked. Harry swallowed and fled the room making Parvati get the feeling of utter loneliness.

What was the point of that? Well whatever it was, Parvati was having second thoughts now. Why? She didn't know.

Parvati left the room instead of going on with her former plan.

Well..now there was a chance, as small as it was, that someone could possibly care.

**Please Review, constructive criticism is very welcome.**

Angel


	3. Caught Up In A Reflection

Disclaimer: Meh. I'm JK Rowling. I really am. The one with blondish hair and the child that lives somewhere in Britain is an impostor. She's taking all the money I'm supposed to be making. Yup. Someone remind me again what the point of these Disclaimers is? I mean come on, why would an Author write a FANFICTION of their own book? Wouldn't that be another book? Seriously you guys...

Oh yeah, in case you didn't notice some of that was sarcasm above.

Author Note: If you haven't noticed, it's more implied in the following updates, it is supposed to be a Parvati/Harry fic. Of course, I warn you now, it's not going to be like, "I think I love you Harry," "Oh I've always loved you Parvati, since the Yule Ball," "Really? Oh my! Let's make out!" "Yes, screw Ginny, let's go snog in a corner Parvati!" No not like that. Of course, if you guys don't mind, I would truly appreciate it if you guys put in your reviews what kind of ship you would prefer for me to do, I'm good with anything. It doesn't have to be Parvati Harry. I could easily change it into a Parvati/Hermione fic. Wait. Umm. I don't think I was serious. Anyways what I'm saying is that I enjoy trying out different ships, and the one with the most...votes if you could call it that wins. I'll really appreciate it if you guys did that.

Warning: Up ahead; Parvati, getting suicidal. Self Harm is considered and carefully contemplated. Ginny being sort of different? I'm changing her bit by bit so you don't notice it so quickly and come after me. I'm trying to make this believable. I don't want you to notice Ginny being so bitchy all of a sudden out of no where. That's not how it's supposed to be? Is it? Oh yeah, and I was stoned when I was writing this, and it was like midnight, so I have no clue what the hell I was writing. Still haven't read it. It's long. Please review. Holidays are up.

**PARVATI POV**

Parvati opened her eyes and yawned. She blinked, sitting up. She pulled back her curtains and realized everyone else was still sleeping. As tempting as it was to go back to sleep, Parvati drearily made her way to the bathroom. She stared at her reflection for a while, disgusted.

Who was that? It couldn't be Parvati Patil. No. It wasn't.

Feeling intoxicated, Parvati leaned over in the sink and washed her face, over and over, every five splashes looking up to see if the person in the mirror would change. She let the water flow into her hand and she plunged her face into the water, until she couldn't breathe.

What was she trying to do? Drown herself?

She pulled back up only after she realized she was getting dizzy and she looked at the reflection. She hated the person she had become.

She used to be so popular. So carefree. So stupid. Then she remembered the wise words of Marilyn Manson, who she never liked much: A Person is Smart. It's People that are stupid.

Swallowing, she felt her eyes burning. They spilled. She was so weak. She couldn't even hold a tear back. Anger coursed throughout her veins as Parvati lost it, raising her hand and clenching it into a fist. She punched the mirror. It broke. The loud clash it made was somewhat…satisfying?

For a fraction of a second, Parvati watched the surprised expression on her reflection. Then the face fell into pieces on the ground, scattering. She still saw bits of her face. She took a step back and let out a small cry of pain as a shard of glass went through her skin on her heel.

It hurt. Not too much though. She realized that she had expected it to hurt a lot. But it was like a tingle. Kind of refreshing. Relaxing. She realized when the pain had sprung up her foot, she hadn't thought about anything else. Her mind had gone clear. Wow?

Parvati pondered on this new feeling she hadn't felt for a while as she took a few steps away from the glass and sat on the floor in an attempt to pull out the piece. There was only a trickle of blood on her heel.

Succeeding, she pulled her wand out of her pyjama pockets and waved it at the glass, holding tightly onto the small shard she had pulled from her foot. She was satisfied as the mirror flew back to pieces, looking as complete as it always had. Parvati saw her wide eyed reflection staring back at her.

She scowled. She squeezed the piece of glass in her fingers and was mildly fascinated as it cut, not too deep, into the tips of her fingers. It bled.

She watched, amused, as a drop or two of blood slipped down the finger and onto her palm as she held her hand upright. She switched her gaze from her somewhat bloody palm to her forefingers where the slice of glass was held.

She looked at her left hand, for the blood was on her right, and she stared at her wrist for a while. Lavender told her once that she had tried to do it. She said she didn't have the guts. What a simple way out. And it had been here all the time. She had just been too thick to think of it.

But now she had. And she didn't even have to die. Not if she didn't do it to deep. Or hard. Just a little. She felt her mind trying to resist.

So refreshing. She let out a content sigh, and then froze. Parvati wondered, momentarily, if she was going crazy. Since when did pain become refreshing?

Pain was supposed to hurt. But…since everything else in life hurt, then this wouldn't do much. Would it?

She raised her right hand to her left, and traced her wrist for a while with the glass. She just had to see if it worked or not. If it didn't, then there would be much to lose. If it did…

Parvati remembered the feeling she got the second the glass had cut through her heel. So...peaceful? What was happening to her?

Somewhat frightened at the thoughts she was thinking, Parvati quickly loosened her grip on the glass, getting to her feet. She heard the light tinkle of the glass hitting the ground.

She looked back at her reflection, realizing that she looked terrified. She took a few tentative steps away from the piece of glass which she couldn't see, but knew was there, and then fled the bathroom.

No...With all that was happening...this just had to add to it.

**HARRY'S POV**

Harry felt disturbed as he realized he wasn't only waiting for Ginny as he stood at the bottom of the stairs of the Girl's Dorm. He watched as Lavender walked by, a frown on her face. Then Hermione walked by, almost smirking, then she looked at him for a second, greeted him warmly and ran over to snog Ron. Sally Ann Perks walked by him, looking somewhat satisfied with herself. No Ginny or Parvati yet.

Getting worried, although he wouldn't admit who exactly he was worried for, Harry started to pace. He just needed to see if she was in one piece. That's all. Then his conscience would be set at peace. Yes. That's all. He just needed to see if he hadn't done anything worse then his intentions were that night.

That's all he needed to see. He didn't even realize he was shifting his weight from one foot to another until Ron walked over to Harry and raised an eyebrow asking what was wrong.

Harry pushed Ron away dismissively as he still stared anxiety filling his mind at the dorm. To his horror, Ginny walked out of it. Now he had no reason to wait there any longer. He forced a smile at Ginny who raised an eyebrow at him.

Sighing, almost frustrated, Harry let Ginny take his hand and pull him away. He threw one last glance behind him at the door and became conscious of the fact that, even if Parvati was perfectly alright, which she most certainly wasn't, she still wouldn't show her face today.

He looked back at Ginny who looked at him suspiciously. He smiled at Ginny, who rolled her eyes at him and forcibly dragged Harry out the portrait hole.

**FLASH BACK-The Breaking Point**

Harry raised an eyebrow at Ginny who let out a giggle. Parvati, who had just been tripped over Ginny's outstretched foot, stumbled and tried to balance. All her books scattered throughout the ground. Parvati let out a dry sob/cry of anger as she scrambled around to pick up her possessions before anything worse could happen.

Harry felt almost ashamed by Ginny's actions. This was too harsh. He didn't know why, but it felt that way. Wanting to help, Harry raised his wand but Ginny glared at him. Harry lowered his wand, exasperated.

Parvati, finally having gathered all her things, stood up and looked around frantically for an escape. There was a loud ripping sound. All of the things she had just thrust quickly in her bag fell out as a large hole appeared in the bag.

There were tears visibly shining in Parvati's dark brown eyes now. Harry could see her trying to maintain her patience as she just picked up everything with her hands and kicked her bag aside. Ginny rolled her eyes and said a spell under her breath which made Parvati topple over again.

Parvati took in a deep breath, raised her eyes to the heavens as if in some silent prayer, and to Harry's disbelief lowered her eyes and gave Harry a look with so much intensity, Harry was taken aback. Even Harry was wondering now what on earth Parvati could have done to deserve this. Whatever it was, must have been truly atrocious.

Parvati didn't even bother to pick up everything. She just whipped up her wand and muttered something, making everything fall neatly into a pile. She conjured a bag and put everything into it. Right after that, before Ginny could do anything else, she pointed her wand at Ginny and shouted,

"Levance Medusiora!" Ginny froze, and Harry, feeling like a protective boyfriend, jumped in front of Ginny and snarled,

"Portego!"

Parvati shrieked as her own spell flew back at her in a green streak.

Before Harry's eyes, Parvati's long black shiny hair transformed into green snakes. Then Pravati floated into the air, her eyes wide. Ginny had collapsed into uncontrollable fits of giggles. To Harry this was anything but funny.

At first he felt pity, and wanted to lower Parvati back to the ground, and change her hair back. Then he felt admiration, for being able to come up with such a spell. Then he felt rage, for someone as low as Parvati even attempt to do something like this to his Ginny!

Before he could stop himself, rage took over as Harry narrowed his eyes at Parvati and hissed the spell to make Parvati fall back to the floor. Parvati hit the ground with a loud thud. Her elbow crashed into a potions glass vial which had come out of her bag, which broke immediately. There were a few drops of blood that dribbled down her elbow, but that wasn't the worse part.

The potion completely exploded, and large painful, they had to be, sores appeared all over Parvati's usual unblemished face. The snakish hair hissed.

Ginny gasped, her eyes alight.

Harry completely mortified at what he had just done, lowered his wand and felt almost crushed as he watched Parvati crumble into a ball sobbing. Probably felt like it was enough.

What had he just done? Swallowing, he looked over at Ginny, almost as if searching for an explanation of what had just happened. Ginny, to his dismay, was stifling sniggers. Feeling somewhat horrified, he waved his wand at Parvati, whose snake like hair vanished.

Harry expected people to yell and scold him for what he had just done. Instead to Harry's shock there were titters travelling throughout the crowd.

Parvati stood up, tears streaming down her face, looked Harry in the eye, and almost thrust her wand in a wave and all her items flew up in the air. She stomped away as the laughter grew louder.

Harry felt like doing anything but laughing.

**FLASH BACK OVER**

Harry sat at the Great Hall beside Ginny, who was chattering animatedly with Hermione. Ron was stuffing his face. Harry scanned the Gryffindor Table. No Parvati. With an abrupt realization, Harry suddenly wondered if there were more feelings he had for Parvati then he let on.

Shaking his head, he told himself assertively that it was only a guilty conscience, and that he wouldn't want anyone other then Ginny.

He shot another wary look around the table.

Right? Why did it feel as if the more he tried to assure himself, the less confident he felt?

**LAVENDER'S POV**

Lavender Brown was almost, as afraid as she was to admit it, concerned for her...former best friend. When she had awaken, and drawn her curtains open, she noticed Parvati run into the room from the bathroom, her face pale and frightened.

Lavender had opened her mouth to ask what was wrong when Parvati looked at Lavender, and froze. Then she disappeared onto her bed and behind her curtains, not in view.

Lavender had wondered then, as she still was now. Parvati had been a good friend. Hadn't she?

Lavender realized Potter was watching her, and tried to avoid his gaze. Guilt was forming steadily at the pit of her stomache, burning as if it were lava.

It was just a little harmless girl to girl fun. It wasn't bullying if you could even call it that. Just...it was...just a game. And if Parvati was taking it seriously, then Lavender pitied her.

**PARVATI'S POV**

She curled up into a small ball, frightened. She was scared. She heard a voice talking in her head. She was losing it.

She, more then ever at the moment, wanted someone to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be perfect. Or at least better.

She was afraid to sleep. Before, there was something...calming about going to sleep, and being able to close your eyes and mind from reality. But...in all truth, Parvati just discovered, or theorized that...there was something suspicious about the act of sleeping. Wasn't there? Too much peace and calm and silence when you're sleeping. What if that wasn't all there was to it?

What if...there was more?

But she wanted to sleep.

Parvati dug her fingernails into her knees as she rocked on her heels on her bed. Her mind was spinning. She felt abnormally paranoid. She looked around the small space she was hidden behind. What if someone was watching her at this moment? Wondering what she was doing? Waiting for the perfect moment to spring up at her? Make her scream? Torture her? All these thoughts flew around wildly in her head as Parvati started to chew on her lower lip.

She shuddered and lowered her head, closing her eyes tightly.

No. She wouldn't let it get to her...if it already hadn't.

**PLEASE REVIEW**

Random Note: I like Rock. I am starting to appreciate Marilyn Manson, who I used to hate. I like Linkin Park, and my favourite songs are Strawberry Gashes by Jack Off Jill, and Crushed by Rosette. I listen to a large variety of songs and usually keep an open mind. I have a Golden Retriever. I like to write Angst Romance stories. Slash is not usually my thing, but I would be happy to try it out. Hottest guys in the god damn world: WILLIAM MOSELY, PETER IN CHRONICLES OF NARNIA, so hot I was almost drooling! I couldn't breathe! DRACO MALFOY AKA TOM FELTON ahhhh who disagrees? Who can? Urrghhh so damn sexy he is. Ahhh..Daniel Radcliffe? Before he got the hair cut, sure. I have MSN and AIM.

Pleading Note: Want to review for me? Please? I got loads of reviews last time! Please? Preetttty Please? I'll update a lot faster!


	4. Paranoia?

Disclaimer: If you haven't gotten the point yet, and you totally don't get the definition of sarcasm, then you should be reading this. I have no clue what I just meant. Oh well, whatever. I AM JK ROWLING. I GET PROFIT FROM WRITING THIS MESSED UP STORY. And I'm in Grade 8. What the hell you guys! Whatever. You get the idea. No matter how much in my twisted mind I can dream all these characters are mine..THEY AREN'T! OKAY? GET IT THROUGH YOUR GODDAMN THICK HEAD. sigh I'm done. I think. (SARCASM YOU THICK IDIOTS!)

Author Note: If you haven't noticed, it's more implied in the following updates, it is supposed to be a Parvati/Harry fic. Of course, I warn you now, it's not going to be like, "I think I love you Harry," "Oh I've always loved you Parvati, since the Yule Ball," "Really? Oh my! Let's make out!" "Yes, screw Ginny, let's go snog in a corner Parvati!" No not like that. Of course, if you guys don't mind, I would truly appreciate it if you guys put in your reviews what kind of ship you would prefer for me to do, I'm good with anything. It doesn't have to be Parvati Harry. I could easily change it into a Parvati/Draco fic. Wait. Umm. I don't think I was serious. Wait I could be. Draco could be suicidal too. So Cliche don't you think? Hmm..

Anyways what I'm saying is that I enjoy trying out different ships, and the one with the most..votes if you could call it that wins. I'll really appreciate it if you guys did that.

Warning: Up ahead; Parvati, getting suicidal. Self Harm is an experiment. Ginny being sort of different? I'm changing her bit by bit so you don't notice it so quickly and come after me. I'm trying to make this believable. I don't want you to notice Ginny being so bitchy all of a sudden out of no where. That's not how it's supposed to be? Is it? Oh yeah, and I was stoned when I was writing this, and it was like midnight, so I have no clue what the hell I was writing. Still haven't read it. It's long. Please review. Tis Christmas night when I wrote this.

**  
PARVATI'S POV**

She was being watched. She felt their eyes taking in every step she took, every breath she drew. She felt the intensity, crawling up her back. Parvati looked around frantically, trying to catch someone at the act but as soon as she looked up, they averted their gaze. Well that's what it felt like.

They were watching her. They knew something. Her eyes wide, Parvati spun around, looking at everyone. Only a person or two raised an eyebrow at her before resuming a conversation on the way to their classes.

But it was all an act, wasn't it? That's what it felt like. Parvati swallowed.

Truth told, they weren't really watching her. No, they didn't give a sh-- about what went on with Parvati's life. Which was probably worse. Or maybe better. It depended. But at the moment, to Parvati it felt like the world was watching her every movement, looking for a fault.

Looking down at her schedule, away from all those prying eyes, Parvati's breath caught in her throat as she realized it was Double Potions. No, she hated that subject. She and Lavender never finished off the Blood Restoration Potion that was due today. That would mean there would be more attention drawn towards her. And Lavender.

Heart thumping loudly in her ears, Parvati made her way slowly to the dungeons. She looked up every once in a while from the ground to attempt to catch someone stalking her. She never did. But that simply aroused her suspicions further.

She didn't notice that someone really was watching her, carefully, everything she did, but not in an attempt to fault her, but more in an attempt to help her.

**HARRY'S POV**

What the hell was her problem? She was..twitching almost. Harry frowned at her, watching her look up and then back down at her feet. Ginny's grip on his wrist was tight. He forced a smile at Ginny who was trying to follow his gaze and find out just where he was staring. She failed, and shrugged, gave him a peck on the cheek and left for Charms.

Harry followed after Parvati and entered Potions Class. He didn't pull his gaze away from Parvati's long and silky hair.

"Late, Ms. Patil and Potter." Snape drawled. Harry barely heard him as he was watching Parvati, stiffen. She got oddly rigid. Why? What was she afraid of?

The whole class was staring at the pair of them now. Harry pulled his chair out and sat on it, choosing the seat next to Parvati. She didn't notice as she kept her head lowered to the ground.

"10 points from Gryffindor, each and a detention for you." Snape sneered. Parvati kept her eyes fixed to a spot on the desk as Harry stared at her in curiosity. Snape seemed to get almost annoyed by their almost numb reactions.

"20 points from Gryffindor for not looking up when spoken to." Harry's eyes flew to Snape's, in rapt attention, silently praying Parvati did the same.

"A week of detentions, Ms. Patil." Snape said, in a somewhat satisfied voice. Harry felt like scowling and cursing Snape. Parvati was still tensed.

"Will Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley proceed to the front with their Thoughtless, it is actually called that-" A few Slytherins sniggered. Harry narrowed his eyes, grimacing. Ron turned a bright red. "Potion. The effects are supposed to be that the vic-the taker of the potion will be able to clear their mind completely of all thoughts. Is there a volunteer who would like to test it?"

Harry and Ron stood at the front of the room now, with their bubbling and somewhat repulsive smelling cauldron. No one stood.

Snape smirked. Ron looked positively frightened. He leaned towards Harry, and whispered, "You know that means one of us might have to try it out!" He sounded alarmed. That was an understatement.

Harry creased his eyebrows. For all they knew, the potion could be poison. Hermione had her head buried on the desk. Harry knew he hadn't really tried for the potion but-

"I-I could try it." A timid voice piped up. Harry's eyes flew to Parvati's who was staring fixedly at the cauldron. He didn't like that look in her eyes. It was as if she wanted it to be poison. It was as if she didn't really care. He didn't like that look. He looked back at Snape ready to protest when Snape, scrutinizing Parvati for half a second before nodded.

Parvati walked up to Harry's side, avoiding his intense stare. Ron, on the other hand, looked pleased, and joyous.

Ron took a small glass vial and dipped it in the potion. He cried out in pain as the liquid almost scorched his skin, dropping the glass into the potion. It melted in front of Harry's eyes.

Snape smirked.

Parvati looked even more daring. There was a...an almost hollow determined look in her eyes.

Harry went for it. He swooped the vial in the potion, ignoring the numb feeling travelling up his arm. He swallowed the burning liquid and let it flow down his throat in one gulp. Parvati looked shocked, her arm which was outstretched to take the vial falling back to her side.

Harry blinked a few times. He felt like he was going to fall. He realized he wasn't breathing. He couldn't think. Feel. Black. Empty.

There were quite a few gasps as Harry Potter hit the ground with a dull thud. Parvati let out a dry scream.

**PARVATI'S POV**

"Severus Snape! I can't believe you could possibly let young Potter drink a potion you didn't test on yourself!" Pomfrey was scolding Snape. Harry was in the bed, a washcloth on his burning forehead.

Parvati felt unbearably guilty. If only she had been faster in taking the stupid vial.

"He had it coming. I specifically warned-" Snape was cut off as Pomfrey went into a rant about how teachers should behave, putting their differences aside.

Parvati's breaths were coming out raggedly. It had been half an hour since Harry had fainted.

"You should return back to class, Ms. Patil." Snape said, walking over to Parvati's side. He looked at her for a moment.

Parvati felt like he was scanning her brain. She stood up suddenly, averting eyes with her potions master. She stared at Harry. Her throat felt dry.

"I'll be going then." She croaked, before walking past him. She felt Snape's piercing gaze rest on the back of her head for a moment before looking away.

She ran out into the corridor and collided fatefully with Ginny Weasley, who looked murderous.

"You! I heard the rumours! They said you poisoned Harry!" She hissed, taking a threatening step towards Parvati, who stepped back. She poked Parvati in the chest, and pushed her away forcefully.

"I-I-" Parvati stuttered, explanations flying through her somewhat chaotic mind.

Ginny shoved Parvati again and strutted past her into the room. Parvati bit her lower lip. Is that what everyone thought?

Feeling dizzy, Parvati ran in the opposite direction.

**Please Review.** Would You guys still give me ideas? Someone want to beta me?

Random Note: You read my other one. Meh. Nothing new. Christmas suck-I mean I loved Christmas. It was so enjoyable...I'm going to admit to myself that I have problems. I like Slit Wrist Theory by 36 Crazyfists...

Why is it that I can give such great advice? My room's a mess.

Pleading Note: Please Review. I get happy when I see reviews. Very happy. Please review. Tell me what makes sense, and what doesn't' make sense. What's too strange what's too abnormal. What you prefer and what you don't prefer. Please and Thank you.

(Small Simple Safe Price. Rise Me Awake And Carry Me With All Of My Regrets. This is Not a Small Cut That Scabs and Dries and Flakes and Heals. And I Am Not Afraid to Die. I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight. I want the pain of payment. What's left but a section of pigmy sized cuts. Much Like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks. Will You Be My Little Cut? Would You Be My Thousand Fucks? And Make Mark Leaving Space for the guilt to be liquid, to fill and spill over and under my thighs. My sad sorry selfish Try out to be a cutter, I'm cutting trying to picture your, black broken heart. Love is not like anything, especially like a fucking knife.)

(Some of those words were wrong, but you get the idea? The Used- I'm A Fake) (I seriously have problems.) (Almost all of that post made no sense) (AHH IT TOOK SO LONG TO LOAD!)


	5. Hypnotized By The Colour Red

Disclaimer: You know what, I'm not going to bother with this. Seriously. Wait I might get sued. This isn't mine. Meh, no sarcasm is implied. I like that word. Implied.

Author Note: If you haven't noticed, it's more implied in the following updates, it is supposed to be a Parvati/Harry fic. Of course, I warn you now, it's not going to be like, "I think I love you Harry," "Oh I've always loved you Parvati, since the Yule Ball," "Really? Oh my! Let's make out!" "Yes, screw Ginny, let's go snog in a corner Parvati!" No not like that. Oh yeah, and I posted up this too because I felt bad that the other one was simply me rambling on. Sorry.

Warning: SELF HARM IS APPARENT IN THIS UPDATE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE SELFMUTILATON DO NOT READ. If you have any comments about it..please review.

**PARVATI'S POV**

Parvati was spellbound. Not literally but-she stared transfixed at the blood dripping down from the cut on her wrist to her elbow.

What was completely shocking was that she barely felt it. And she knew, confidently that if anyone else had done this to her arm, it would have hurt like hell. But she did it. She tilted her head to a side.

The blood was on her bed sheet now. She waved her wand. It disappeared. She looked back at her wrist. What if someone found out? She looked back at the razorblade in her hand. What excuse would she have? She frowned.

But they didn't have to.

But what if they did?

They wouldn't. Parvati would be careful.

There's still a possibility-

No there isn't. They won't find out.

They who? You'll get caught.

No I won't.

You could.

But I won't. I'll just have to be careful. Getting caught is not an option. The voice seemed to have quieted as Parvati sat still for a while. The razorblade glinted in the bit of light shining through the curtain. She remembered the hostility Ginny had shown earlier that day.

The next second she forgot it as she fell into emptiness, as she made a deep cut through her wrist, concentrating on the pain, the pain only, and the pain alone.

It was no longer pain.

But it was evidence. It dripped down her wrist again, now making a larger red spot onto her gold sheets. Parvati stared for a while, mesmerized. She waved her wand again. Her eyes glazed over as she moved her gaze to her wrist.

It was burning. Consuming. Dying.

Parvati slumped back against the wall, her wrist falling on her pillow. No energy. Her head was light. She blinked. She was tired. She waved her wand lazily, at the cut on her wrist.

Too much blood gone. Oops. The blood flow stopped. Her white, well her used to be white, pillow was damp with the red fluid. Blood. Crimson.

She pushed her sleeve over her wrist, shivering at the feeling of the cloth against her sensitive skin. She was okay.

She pulled back the curtains, got to her feet, closed the curtains, making a note to clean it after she returned and walked, drunkenly, to the bathroom. She needed to splash her face with water.

She wasn't thinking properly.

**GINNY'S POV**

Ginny smirked at Hermione and walked past her up to her dorms. Hermione grabbed her arm for a second, a question in her eyes.

"It's just a rumour. Don't let it get too far." She warned, and for a minute Ginny was apprehensive.

"But...but she poisoned Harry. She deserves what she has coming. After this we can go back to ignoring her existence in peace. I mean that's all I was doing up till now." Ginny said, half heartedly. Hermione shrugged, letting go of Ginny's wrist.

"The. ..the prank is quite thought-out and such but…Ginny please...Patil's human too." Hermione said, frowning. Ginny shrugged.

"She can handle it. If she's human she can handle it. Anyways, it's not about you. It's about me and her. She wanted Harry. She didn't get Harry. She spreaded that rumour about-"

"It's spread, and you have no proof she was the one who said that you were caught cheating on Harry that night. You have no proof whatsoever it was her who told half of the Gryffindor House that you were snogging Dean that late night." Hermione said, forcefully. Ginny paused.

"But we have no proof it wasn't. And she's our best choice." Ginny glared at Hermione, daring her to refuse.

"You're just jealous that Parvati had Harry before you did." Hermione looked equally stubborn. Ginny stood a step forward, her eyes narrowed into slits.

"Since WHEN DID YOU BECOME HER FRIEND?" Ginny shouted out accusingly. Hermione looked momentarily sceptical.

"It's pity. I feel sorry for her." Hermione said, dismissively. Ginny looked at Hermione for a moment. Then she nodded.

"I almost do."

**PARVATI'S POV**

Parvati couldn't sleep again. She stared up at the ceiling. Her wrist yearned for the burning sensation that made her momentarily forget she was Parvati. She couldn't risk it though. With everyone sleeping. In the room.

Lavender muttered something in her sleep.

"Mmm...but you taste like strawberries.." Lavender let out a moan.

Parvati chewed on her lower lip, her eyebrows creased. She couldn't sleep. She wouldn't sleep? She sat up. She would sit down in front of the fire place. Maybe that would calm her down. Her heart was thumping loudly.

She got to her feet and opened her door. Careful not to let anyone else notice, she closed it behind her and went over to the couch. She stared into the flames.

"Funny isn't it." Parvati said, almost loudly. No one was there. Why was she talking out loud? "You think you're perfect, and nothing could go wrong right before it does." She paused, a smile lighting her drawn features.

"And when it does, you realize that...that...you've sunk deeper then you could, and you can't get out of it anymore. Like a...black hole. A crimson hole." Parvati felt like she was going crazy.

Who cared?

"What?" A soft voice made Parvati gasp. She stood up and spun around in search of the own-him.

"Potter." She said it before she thought it. Harry was standing at the Portrait Hole, a glass of water in his hands. He looked almost frightened, concerned, and pained. Parvati wanted to walk up to him. She took a step back.

"Parvati?" He asked, walking up to her cautiously. He put down the glass of water at a table, and looked her in the eye. Parvati swallowed.

"What?" She sounded ruder then she was supposed to sound.

"Crimson hole?" He sounded sceptical. Parvati felt as if she was floating away.

"What?" She repeated, her eyes glazing over. Her wrist was pleading for the rush of adrenaline. Now. She swallowed.

"Are you okay?" He asked, and Parvati felt her back hit the wall. She leaned against it for balance.

"Nothing." She didn't' know what exactly she was saying. Harry didn't either, but he grew more concerned.

"Parva-" He cut himself off as he stopped a few feet away from her, intensity filling his eyes.

Parvati bit her lip. Hard. It bled. Good. Feeling. Calm. She thought about the pain. She lost focus. Her vision blurred. He took another step closer.

Was she crying? Why did she feel so cornered?

No. It was lack of sleep.

"Parvati?" Her named sounded beautiful when he said it. She nodded. He was really close now.

"Harry!" They broke apart. Harry spun around to face Weasley. Parvati looked at Ron too.

He looked almost scared. Ron that is.

"Come-Come into the-the dorm.." He stared at Parvati for a while, defiantly. Parvati blinked.

Harry walked up to Ron, not looking back at Parvati. He left again.

As soon as the pair was out of sight, Parvati collapsed on the ground, crumbling into pieces. She cried. She had no clue why.

**Please Review. Would you guys still give me ideas? Someone want to beta me?**


	6. NOT A CHAPTER, EVERYONE SHOULD READ

**THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE. THIS IS A..A NOTE. A SUMMARY. PLEASE READ.**

Disclaimer: It is so mine. Like totally. It seriously is. Don't you think that's awesome? Now sue me. (blinks) It isn't. Okay? So don't come after my blood. Not yet at least. I'm not done having fun with JKR's characters yet. P

**Author Note: This is a summary of the whole story for those who have no clue whatsoever is happening exactly. **

I think this is-yeah it is taking place in the Fifth, or Fourth year. As far as I know, HBP never happened..Poor dumbly. Even more poor Drackie. Even more, poor Snapie. Yes, I feel bad for him. I mean..why? I don't' know. ANYWAYS back to the summary.

Parvati Patil is depressed. Why? God made her that way. No I'm joking, um, you guys remember how the whole Yule Ball thing happened, and Harry didn't even like speak to her after that? Yeah, Ginny gave her a tough time after Harry started ignoring her, and she got with Harry, and she, the strong girl Ginny is, thought that Parvati wanted to be better then the rest of the girls because she was asked first, never mind Cho for the moment, by Harry to the Yule Ball.

But she didn't. Now everyone is kind of..jealous, and stuck up. I'm killing the story. Sorry. Wait..finds story and looks over it again and then there were a lot of rumours. Loads. Rumours that said that Parvati was planning on getting Harry for herself, rumours that said Parvati was planning something against Ginny, rumours that said Parvati talked shi- behind all of their backs, loads of Rumours started. It's Hogwarts, for Pete's sakes.

And then, she broke. I know you guys might think, well some of you anyways, that this was harmless bullying and none of it really mattered, but to a girl, to anyone, as light as it may be, it'll still hurt. Like shi-. I've been through that stage. And suddenly, no matter how it happens, even if it's not about you, you'll suspect that it was, and then it'll just keep on hurting, digging a hole through your already broken heart. Parvati's soul got shattered so quickly because she used to be popular and now, landing in the dirt like this, it hurt.

Meh, all of that was drabble. But yeah. And now she wanted something, as I wrote in the previous update, to take her mind away from it. She is. You guys might think, that's a totally stupid way to take care of it, and why can't she just tell someone? Well, would you want more attention brought upon you if you were in her shoes? Hell no!

She took care of it a way that she heard helps. I don't know if she'll get caught, but I certainly hope so.

Harry is having second thoughts about his relationship with Ginny. Why does Ginny seem so different from the soft, sweet, gentle and beautiful girl he always thought he knew. Sure, Harry knew that Ginny was quite feisty at times, but she was not mean, not usually. Now Harry was wondering.

And now Parvati, a girl he barely knew, had something going on with her. And he wondered if she needed more attention then she got. And he was worried. Harry was falling, not in love, not yet, but something that seemed like it, in..something covered by his conscious, guilt and concern. Once everything clears up, he'll know.

For the moment, he's worried.

Ginny. Ginny is afraid. She's afraid that her property, as crude as it sounds, might be taken away from her. Soon. And she needs her 'property' to hold steadfast the foundation she has built. She's even more paranoid then Parvati may be. Ginny doesn't need the help Parvati needs, but the reassurance. And now, thanks to all of her suspicious, her worst fears may come to happen. Sorry Ginny.

Ron and Hermione are in love, and no one can tell. That doesn't really come into the story but, meh. Draco..? I want to bring him into the story but..I can't find a way and..it doesn't matter. I'll make a nice angsty one for him later. gets a dreamy look in eyes

**That's it. If you have questions...tell me.**

**Oh yeah, and TaraLi, if you don't mind,** I really loved your review by the way, **could you be my Beta?** I have none at the moment, and all I do is drabble. I could really use one.

Ulkser: "**harry has been throught much more than parvati yet he never lost it. i know every person is different but this is too much... someone must help parvati. you are a good writer as i really felt sorry for parvati now..."** THANKS! Every person is different and I agree with you. But handling all that for over a month or two, around 7 weeks, I think it's enough for anyone to crack? Thank you for your comments. Yes it is a Harry/Parvati pairing. LOVE YA for reading! ) The reason Harry never cracked is that he always had someone by his side, whether it was Ron or Hermione, or Sirius, (who I don't think is dead, yet), or Remus. Or Dumbledore. And he was never so unsure of himself. Not really. Was he? I certainly hope not. Continue reviewing.

Firefly4U: Thanks for your comments. I hope you're okay with where the story is going.

Black's Phoenix: "**I'm still wondering what is going on exactly with Parvati but o well. Hoping that Ginny gets caught and that something happens to her." **I do to! Thank you for reviewing. I hope you like the outcome of the story, and understand more about what's going on with Parvati. If you don't, don't stop to ask, I LOVE answering questions. Continue reviewing!

Tulback: Thank you for the reviews, I certainly will continue to update! As soon as possible. I'll try to put in more detail! Continue to review! THANKS!

TaraLi: "**I like the way you're handling the cutting, and the attitudes of others around Parvati. Thank you for treating this with the seriousness it deserves, and not simply as another crazy person. The only concern I have is whether Harry will have the sense to get help for Parvati, rather than trying to solve the whole thing himself." **sniffs Your review truly touched me. I think the fact that Harry doesn't know what really is going on with Parvati, he won't take too much of it seriously. But the way she is acting, and some of the things she says, the strange daring look she gets in her eye, it's making Harry get very, very, worried, and anxious. He should tell someone, and he will, soon. But he needs a solid base to pile up all his fears on.

I truly enjoyed reading all of your reviews. I was happy to know that you took your time to, first read this fanfiction I have come up with, and second to actually review, with helpful ideas. Thank you and please continue.

That's all. I'll update, an actual update, later on as soon as I get some ideas, and put them all into words.


	7. You Hypocrites Are All Talking About Me

Disclaimer: NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! I WON'T! WHY SHOULD I ADMIT TO THE WORLD

THAT THESE CHARACTERS AREN'T MINE! THEY ARE! I STOLE THEM! MINE! ALL MINE!

ALLLLL MINE! MUWHAHAHAHA!

(gets slapped)

Okay, fine, it isn't mine, as much as I can try to deny the fact, so..sorry. But! BUT! Aha! I found a loophole. THE PLOT is mine! Hopefully..umm..(looks around) I certainly HOPE it's mine, because if it isn't...I'll feel very bummed. Who else could have thought of this? HUH? Nope, only a mastermind like myself. MUWHAHA! (gets slapped) Okay, I sounded very egotistic for a moment there. Sorry. NOW YOU'RE ALL IN MY GRILL CUZ I SAY WHAT I FEEL! (Do something, by Britney Spears) (blinks) What the hell? Now I'm scaring myself. Thanks for the reviews you guys!

Warning: Meh, you saw it coming. Parvati's a fucking cutter. Why? Haven't you been reading? You want beef? Sorry..I should probably leave this at this, because the last update was a whole Author's note thing. Sorry about that, by the way. I was kind of sober and not high while writing that. I promise it won't happen again. Hopefully. Oh yeah and this is Parvati/Harry.

**PARVATI'S POV**

No one would see her scars. She had more than three now. They burned. They satisfied her...pain? Parvati was worried for her own sanity now. The only way you can kill pain is with more pain? Hmm.. Oh well. Did it matter? She looked around the fairly empty hall.

No one else would notice. No one else would care. Except for-no he wouldn't either. Just another act.

Parvati tugged on her sleeve, looking around somewhat uneasily. Still...if someone did find out, there was more than half a chance they would tell Professor McGonagall and…and...then what? Then nothing to lose...Parvati shook her head, and stopped in the middle of the empty corridor, leaning her head against the wall. A portrait scoffed at her.

She caught her breath, trying to stop her head from spinning. She silently wished she could suddenly take out the small blade she carried around and swipe it, just once, against her wrist. The relief would last long enough to take her mind off of what she was trying not to think about. Sort of ironic if she really thought about it.

Straightening up she-

"This will give her the shock of her life!" A hushed voice was saying. Parvati couldn't tell who it was.

"Who cares! It'll be fun to see her face be permanently stuck like that!" Another person was laughing. Parvati's eyes widened, wondering who they were talking about. No, it couldn't be her..

"We strike at Lunch, in the Great Hall, for all to see." The other voice said, in a way that made it sound as if he was a soldier.

Parvati pushed back, against the wall, trying to disappear as the two unknown figures swept out of the dark unused classroom and was out of sight.

She let out the breath she had been unintentionally holding, and ran, pushing blindly at random people all the way back to the Gryffindor Common room. She didn't realise a pair of emerald green eyes were watching her, perplexed.

**HARRY'S POV **

Why was she running? Was someone after her? Ginny said something to Harry, but he didn't attend to it, his mind still on Parvati's long black hair, disappearing through the crowd.

"Harry, I need to ask you something!" Ginny sounded annoyed. Uh oh. Harry grimaced, looking at Ginny. She sighed, tightening her grip on his hand. She was doing that a lot lately. Almost like trying to prevent him from running away?

"What, Gin?" He asked, half smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. Ginny noticed.

"There's something on your mind. Who-What is it?" Ginny smiled, almost in an attempt to be motherly. Harry let out a sour laugh, and put his arm around her lower waist, his mind lingering on Parvati, her eyes wide the night before, so frightened. A knot in the pit of his stomache tightened. He swallowed.

He felt guilty.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, airily. Ginny studied Harry's face, which was in an attempt to look dismissive.

"Well, it's like your head has been somewhere in the skies these past few days." Ginny smiled, now hanging on Harry's arm. Harry walked, his head bowed. His eyes were watching his feet.

"Haha...you could say that.." Harry trailed off, looking up and finding Hermione's bushy head. He pulled away from Ginny's grip and almost stumbled over to Hermione. Ginny tried to follow but the classes heading to the Great Hall for Lunch prevented her from doing so.

"See you later Harry!" She called out.

Harry forced a smile and finally reached his best friend, who raised both eyebrows at his evident escape from Ginny.

"What was that about?" Hermione asked, shoving some books into her bag. She watched Harry's reaction carefully.

"Oh-what? Nothing." Same thing she had said..."I-I just had to talk to you…" Harry swallowed. Hermione looked at Harry.

"Then what is it?" She asked, pulling her stare away from Harry and looking around the corridor.

"Where are you heading off to?" Harry asked, as Hermione started to walk away from him. He followed after her.

"Oh, I'm just going to put all my books inside the Common room and then leave for lunch, you?" Hermione watched Harry out of the corner of her eye.

"I'll come to, I have to find Pa-Ron." Harry's eyes widened at his slip, not believing he had just done that. Was he that obsessed? No, it was just his conscience, he repeatedly told himself. He looked up at Hermione's face, wondering if she knew, and could tell his mistake.

Hermione's face was impassive but she was doing some quick thinking.

"Well, I saw Ron going to the Great Hall.." Hermione smiled.

"Well...then I might as well go there with you later then!" Harry's eyebrows creased as he tried to beam at Hermione. She nodded.

Once inside the Common Room, Harry left Hermione's side and looked around, searching for the long haired girl.

"Coming, Harry?" Hermione asked, at the Portrait hole, looking over her shoulder. She had a hunch she knew who exactly Harry was looking for. Harry looked at Hermione, almost distractedly.

"Go-Go on, I'll be right with you, in a moment, hold on, I'll-" Harry cut off, as the Girl's Dorm door flew open. Parvati stood in the door way, looking a mess. Even Hermione gasped. Harry gaped at Parvati's tangled hair, bloodshot eyes, and bleeding lips.

"Ar-Are you okay?" Hermione got to the question first. Harry looked at Parvati in search for some sort of an answer. Parvati blinked, barely registering the fact Hermione was talking to her. Well the Common Room was nearly empty except for a few first years and Hermione, himself, and

Parvati.

"I-" Parvati coughed, her hand covering her mouth. "Yeah-" She said in just above a whisper. Her voice was hoarse.

"Are...you coming for lunch?" Hermione asked, slowly. She sounded very uncomfortable. And guilty?

Harry frowned, as Parvati's eyes widened. She looked almost frightened.

"NO!" She practically shouted, before whipping around and slamming the door behind her.

Hermione blinked, looking at Harry, who had worry written all over his face. Hermione was wondering what was Harry was worried about? It wasn't for nothing she was the smartest witch in her year. Hermione rested a hand on Harry's arm, attracting some of his attention.

"What..Do you have a clue what that was about?" She asked in a soft voice. Harry shook his head, closing his eyes.

"I wish I did.." There was longing evident in his voice. Hermione smiled at Harry and steered him over to the Portrait Hole, making a mental note to have a talk with Parvati later on the day. Maybe even with Ginny. But Hermione told herself that Ginny really didn't need to know about Harry's…whatever it was, with Parvati. Well, maybe she did, but Hermione didn't want to tell her. No, not yet.

**PARVATI'S POV**

It was obvious. Why else would Granger care whether or not Parvati went to the Great Hall or not? Hah! Like she would leave the safety of her four poster bed for the rest of the day. Not like she was that hungry.

She wouldn't risk that.

But-but she'd seen something in Harry's eyes that made her wonder, wonder if he really did-but why would he! He had a pretty redhead who was popular and everything he probably wanted. And he was the Boy Who Lived. Why would he even care about her? Ha! She was just fooling herself.

But the way he had looked at her-no. It was nothing. Why would it be anything? Parvati drew the curtains, hiding from view. Pulling out her blade she felt the rush, the desire for relief, and there was a glazed look in her eyes as she looked at the small blade, glinting from the little light that

peered through the curtains. She pressed it against a piece of skin that wasn't scarred. She barely felt it.

Now scowling, Parvati swiped it furiously, in a straight line across her wrist. She blinked as a drop of blood dripped. It burned. She leaned back, closing her eyes. And then-

"Parvati, I need to speak to you!" The door banged open. Parvati froze, quickly stowing away the blade in the small pocket bag she had got for her birthday. It was for carrying around rock and such but-

"Parvati, I know you're in there!" Parvati recognized it now. Lavender. She pulled her sleeves over her wrists.

What on- She opened the curtains, looking at Lavender, who, in her hands, held a pretty gown maroon and gold. In the other, a pale pink shirt and a denim pair of pants.

"Lavender?" Parvati asked, hoarsely. Lavender let out a huge sigh of relief, sitting down on her bed and holding up the clothes.

"I'm SO glad you were here! I'm so sorry about the last couple of days but, I really need your help right now! I mean, since none of the other girls have the same taste as you or I, and I really need help picking out an outfit for my date-" She empathized that word, her eyes growing wider with hope, "Would you mind?" She thrust the clothes in Parvati's fairly stunned face.

"Telling you what would be most suitable to wear?" Parvati was surprised at her smooth almost cold tone. Nothing like how she felt.

Lavender nodded, earnestly. Parvati started to shrug but Lavender quickly stood up and walked over to Parvati's bed, sitting down beside her.

"Seamus really wants me to look good. Well, he didn't tell me but I just know that he does. And everything has to go perfect, and you have the best advice and taste in circumstances like these, and you are my best friend, and I couldn't possibly ask Granger! Your sister, even though we've been hanging out lately, doesn't even have the same passion in situations like these. Please Parvati, you're the only chance I got!" Lavender said all this in one quick breath, now beaming at Parvati.

Parvati blinked, trying not to voice her thoughts, _Hypocrite, do I have a choice? How quickly did I become your best friend? Wow this is ironic. All you can care about is your stupid date, and you don't even give a shit whether or not you're best friend's dreams are going down the drain. Bitch. _And she forced a smile, taking the clothes one by one and inspecting them.

"I'm really really sorry about the past few days, Parvati, but, you know how it is...I promise that I'll-I'll hang around with you and everything, if you just help me out this once! To tell you the truth, I'd be doing you a favour, right?" Lavender went on, talking about how Parvati was really lucky to have a friend like her, so Parvati toned out.

"This would look simple and hot." Parvati stated, cutting through Lavender's, "I could make you popular in hours!" Lavender looked at the pale pink shirt and at the pair of jeans. She nodded fervently.

"I totally agree. That would make Seamus know I'm lookin casual and sexy!" Lavender grinned taking the pair of clothes away from Parvati and giving her a quick hug. "Thank you so much!"

"No problem, what are friends for?" Parvati couldn't believe her words.

"I promise I'll make it up to you!" Lavender said before disappearing to the bathroom. Parvati nodded, chewing on her lower lip.

"I'm sure you will.." She said quietly, and decided that the dorm room would be anything but quiet for the rest of the day and left, her stomache grumbling.

"They're probably done eating and everything.." She reassured herself.

Once she entered the Great Hall, she expected food to be thrown at her and such, but no one even threw her a second glance, which wasn't any better. She took her place at the end of the Gryffindor Table, careful to pretend not to notice Ginny's death glares. She really didn't notice Harry's concerned glances.

**HARRY'S POV**

She was still a mess. She looked worse. She kept on pulling her sleeves over her hands. She picked at her food. She ate three mouthfuls. She gave the plate a disgusted look. She…she…

"Harry!" Ginny hissed, prodding Harry with the fork. Harry let out a small yelp as he turned to face a disgruntled Ginny.

"Yeah?" He asked, weakly. Ginny glared at him.

"Pass me the salt, won't you!" She ordered. Harry frowned at her before passing her the salt. _She could have just asked Ron,_ he told himself sourly.

Then there was a loud bang. Harry's eyes flew up to the Hufflepuff Table which now had a large banner hanging over their heads. Three boys stood up and started to clap. The Banner said-

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH ABBOTT!" in the colours of Hufflepuff House. Everyone followed with the clapping and by now the Weasley Twins were whistling. Harry, grinning, turned to catch Ginny's eye when he realized she was gone. Eyebrows creased, he looked over for Parvati and noticed she was gone as well.

Getting to his feet, an alarmed look in his eyes Harry left the Great Hall, barely noticed in all the loud noises.

**Please Review.**

It's not really a cliffie. But I could really do with a Beta right about now. I can't think of much to write. My head's blocking. Sorry. Tell me what you hate and what you like. I accept flames..I think..as long as they don't hurt. That much. Please. I like nice things though.

Random Note: CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS IS MY LAST RESORT. SUFFOCATION NO

BREATHING, DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I CUT MY ARMS BLEEDING. LOSING MY SIGHT, LOSING MY MIND, WISH SOMEBODY WOULD TELL ME FINE. NOTHING'S ALRIGHT! Song of the day. Last Resort, by Papa Roach. "Suicide is a permanent solution to something temporary." Then..isn't cutting just temporary. It's only for the moment, right? Ahhhh...Mutilaton out of sight, and now I'm contemplating Suicide. Except for the scars..

**The Last Few Chapters were Reposted THANKS TO TARA LI, MY NEW BETAAA! Thanks A LOT! )**

**An update will come...soon…**


	8. My Mistake

My Mistake

Disclaimer: It isn't mine. If it was, I wouldn't be writing Fanfiction. I'd be writing a bloody book. I love saying bloody. Bloooody. I'm proud to be Canadian! Gosh I have a hangover. I'm in the eighth grade.

Warning: Self Mutilation, Harry/Parvati, all the good stuff. Well not all of it. I don't know how to fit sex and drugs into it. And how I can make Draco come into the story I have no clue. So it has some good stuff. Listen to **Ride the Wings of Pestilence by From First To Last** when you're reading this update. It's what I was listening to when I was writing it.

Thanks: To All Who Reviewed, and to Tara Li, for being able to Beta everything I write, and being such a cool person. I tried to send this to you and it confirmed, but I never got a reply. Well that was probably because I only sent it to you yesterday. I got too lazy to wait, and I supposed you never got it. I didn't know what else to do, so I posted this anyway.

* * *

**PARVATI'S POV**

She rushed down the corridor, in a hunt for an unused classroom. Or an empty one. Once she reached what she was looking for, she stopped, hanging onto the desk, and caught her breath.

When that bang came, Parvati had been sure her heart had stopped. When she realized it wasn't about her, she felt almost disgusted with herself. Did everything have to be about her? Is that what she expected? How pathetic!

That's why Parvati had left; she needed to clear out her mind.

She dug through her pockets feverishly, in search for the small silver blade when-

"Patil, what the hell is your problem!" It wasn't a question as Ginny Weasley burst into the room, her wand held steadily in front of her. Parvati was speechless, as she backed up against the wall. She was horrified as she become conscious of the fact that she didn't have her wand with her. Stupid Parvati.

"I-I don't know-what you're talking about?" Her voice came out weak. Ginny smirked, walking towards her.

"I saw the way you looked at Harry. I know you're not over him. And I-I just wonder, praying for his sanity, if he has any feelings for you." Ginny paused, her eyes narrowing. "I mean, if he does, I don't really care. I can always make your life hell." Ginny smirked, pleased with the effect it had on Parvati.

Her eyes widened, and she pressed against the wall, wondering, why her, why her! Ugh, Parvati realized in that moment she hated Ginny Weasley. She straightened up, pushing away from the wall, and she took a few steps towards Ginny. Her fists clenched up into balls, and her wrist burned from the sleeve brushing against the scars.

"I have no clue what you're talking about, Weasle." Parvati snarled, finally having full control of her voice. Ginny raised an eyebrow, holding up her wand, pointing it at Parvati's heart. She didn't care. What's the worst the redhead could do?

Kill her?

Parvati let out a humourless laugh, as this thought flew through her mind. She smirked, her hand pushing the wand away.

"You little-" The door flew open as Harry came into the scene. His wand pointed at Ginny, and his eyes wide, he asked,

"Are you alright Parvati?"

There was a moment of silence.

* * *

**HARRY'S POV**

What the bloody fu—just came out of his mouth! He couldn't believe he had his wand pointed at GINNY! And he had just expressed his concern for Parvati, OUT LOUD! What the HELL?

But Harry didn't lower his wand, he just took a few steps towards Ginny, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Excuse me?" Ginny sounded incredulous. Parvati looked like she had been slapped.

"Umm...I mean..." Harry started, knowing full well he couldn't take back anything he said.

"I knew it." Ginny snarled, glaring at Harry. She whipped around, pushed past Harry and left the room. Harry turned after her, a weak protest on his lips.

"Shit." He cursed, turning back to face Parvati who had backed up against the wall again, her expression fearful.

"What the fuck do you want?" She spat in a quick breath. Harry looked her in the eye before pulling away, focusing his eyes on the blackboard.

"Well, you didn't really answer my question, did you?" Harry silently berated himself, kicking himself over and over again. Parvati blinked, then,

"Oh." Dawning comprehension showed on her face as she shut her eyes. "I'm fine. No thanks to you." She opened her eyes, and Harry was disturbed at the emptiness in her dark brown eyes. She started to walk swiftly past him, when Harry grabbed her wrist, not too keen to let her go without a straight answer.

"No I-What'd I do?" Harry let go of her wrist as hurt appeared evident on her face. She let out a cry of pain, pulling away from Harry. She stumbled, and grabbed onto a desk, staring at Harry. She looked unsure whether or not to be afraid or angry at Harry.

Instead she gaped, moving further away from Harry and closer to the door. Harry was doing some quick thinking, wondering what exactly was going on in Parvati's mind.

"Leave…Me…Alone." She hissed, before turning around and leaving the room. She bumped into Hermione Granger, who apologized and frowned. Parvati cursed, tears growing in her tears.

"Are you okay?" She asked but before the sentence even escaped her lips, Parvati was gone, sprinting down the hallway.

"Hermione." Harry half smiled, walking up to the doorway and looked at her.

"Ginny said something about Patil before bursting into tears and running to the Quidditch Court…Would you like to explain?" Hermione smiled at Harry who groaned, and started to bang his head on the wall.

"I…Can't…" Harry gritted his teeth. Hermione creased her eyebrows, and took in a breath, putting her hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Listen, Harry, I've been meaning to ask you but-" Hermione was cut off as Harry shrugged Hermione's hand off and walked past her, not meeting her eyes.

"I need a drink of water. I'll talk to you later, Hermione." Harry said, absent-mindedly and he was gone too.

* * *

**Please Review**

Author Note: Well it's happened. No more Harry/Ginny. Now what? I have no clue. Meh. Have fun you guys. More reviews, quicker updates.

Randomnezz: Please Review. I'll reward you with a Clementine orange. The small ones. They taste really good. Addictive too. Or a cookie? Yeah, I know it's short. But that's why I have more. Please Review. I have the update all ready, long, and detailed. I can't sleep. What am I saying again? LoL. What a weird author. I mean like, she totally has nothing under control. Jeez.


	9. Falling Into Something We call Fate

Disclaimer: It's a disclaimer. What else am I supposed to put here? Ooh, look! A pair of scissors. Don't eat erasers. They taste horrible. Or dried orange peels.

Warning: Harry/ Parvati. Self Mutilation. Cutting. Yes, there will be blood. What the hell did you think self mutilation consisted of? Frig. Smartasses.

Author's Note: Most of this was written by intuition. That's something to say. I didn't sleep last night. Woooo. I'm become insomniac. That's always fun. The italics are...confusing. While I was writing this, some of the words, phrases, felt like, in my brain, to be slanted. Like they had to be empathized. Why? I have no fucking clue. So ignore it, unless you find some deep profound insightful meaning on the italicalized words. Then you'll have to tell me. I like to understand myself better.

It's not fun not making sense. I want to make sense more. Hmm….maybe that means no more drugs?

**PARVATI'S POV**

He didn't care. He didn't care. _He did not care_. He didn't care. Four cuts. Bleeding. She absorbed the pain. It wasn't pain anymore. Less then pain. _Needed more_. Parvati slit her wrist again, and let out an involuntary content sigh. _Need. More. Pain_. Pain. Not pain. Sort of like a drug. Why did he make her feel so confused?

He didn't care. He was playing a game with her mind. She hated herself for playing along. Suddenly it hurt. The cuts she made hurt. _Why_? She wasn't concentrating on the pain. That's why. _Feel the pain_. She took in a deep breath and let it out, focusing on the pain.

Feeling as if it were enough, she picked up her wand with her right hand and waved it at the mess she had made. It was gone. She waved it at her hand. Blood was gone. But gashes were still there. They started bleeding again. She waved her wand again. The blood flow stopped for a moment before starting again.

Parvati, growing desperate, waved her wand again, hissing along a spell. It stopped bleeding. Then a drop. Two drops. _Good enough._ Parvati, breathing heavily, tugged her black sleeve; _you can see red on white_, over her palm. She stared fixedly at her wrist for a while, daring it to soak through. It didn't. Good. This wasn't something to be proud of. She should not go around parading about it. Her little problem.

She could take care of it.

She stuffed the small blade back into her pocket and looked out the curtains. No one was there. Smiling, she left her bed and stretched. _Ouch_. Wrist still sore. Remember that.

_Also remember that Ginny Weasley was trying to make her life hell._ Again. _Oops._ Parvati put her wand up her sleeve as well. Good. She was set. Now…she could go to the kitchens and grab a quick something to eat before Charms.

She opened the door when she was pushed over by someone. Hitting the ground, Parvati scowled, struggling to sit up and see who had pushed her over. She noticed Lavender's curtain close and a loud sob heard behind it.

_Ignore it_. Like Lavender never heard the sobs Parvati had cried before. Her conscience disapproved. Against her wishes, Parvati walked up to Lavender's bed.

"Lavender? Are you okay?" Her voice didn't squeak. That was an improvement. It sounded normal. She was getting better at this hiding thingie.

"Leave me alone!" Lavender cried out, in a strangled voice. Sure. Parvati would be glad to. Stupid conscience just wouldn't let her.

Parvati rolled her eyes, and pulled back the curtains. She sat down beside Lavender, who had her head buried in her pillow.

"What happened on your date?" Parvati asked, even though she didn't really care, but…she might as well do this thing right. Lavender mumbled something unintelligible. Parvati raised an eyebrow and patted Lavender's back.

"And you doe whad he did afder dat?" Lavender rambled, sitting up and her puffy eyes raised up to Parvati.

"Sweetie, I don't know what he did in the first place. Tell me what happened?" Parvati said, gently. Her heart was still stone cold, and if someone had suggested her to tell Lavender, as pitiful in a state she was at the moment, to burn in hell, Parvati would have.

"Well-" Lavender sniffed, wiping her nose with the back of her hand, and her eyes welled up with tears again. Parvati took out a tissue from the side table and held it out for Lavender to blow her nose in.

"Take your time." Parvati let a hint of impatience seep into her voice. Lavender let out a loud sob, and threw herself on Parvati.

"He-He t-told me that-that th-the da-date was j-just a-a dare an-and tha-that he.." Parvati toned out on Lavender's stutters, and rolled her eyes, all the while patting Lavender on the back. After who knew how long, Lavender sat back up and wiped her eyes.

"Thanks, Parvati for-" She hiccupped, and then smiled half heartedly at Parvati's sceptical expression. "For being such a great friend." She finished. Parvati blinked.

"No…problem?" Parvati's smile was unsure. Yeah right. Don't get your hopes up.

"Well, it's just proper that I clue you in on the plan Ginny had all set for the next Hogsmeade visit." Lavender paused, her eyes wide with anticipation. Parvati blinked.

Seriously…who cared? And why was Lavender telling her this? It wasn't like Lavender would stick by her side when, whatever it was, happened. Pathetic.

But the girl was being loyal enough to tell Parvati…

Who cared?

Lavender was talking again. Maybe it would be useful to listen?

Nah. Parvati yawned, and looked at a spot on the wall. It looked lighter then the rest of the wall. And it had a brown mark on it. She wondered, aimlessly, if someone, a looong time ago, had been in her skin and had stared at the exact same spot. She made a mental note to find a quill and mark that spot. She continued staring at it until-

"Of course, now that Harry and Ginny aren't together, it'll just make the make out session so much easier." Lavender said happily.

Parvati blinked.

"What?" She asked, abruptly. "What the hell are you talking about?" She frowned, looking Lavender in the eye. Lavender looked smug.

"Well, like I was saying, you and Harry are going to hook up right? Since after what Weasley told Granger, he's so all over you, and you obviously have the hots for him too…"

She couldn't let this go on. She had to fix this. Or she'd feel guilty forever. Not a good idea. Must find Potter. Or Weasley. Or maybe Granger. Scratch out Potter. Too hard to talk to. Too complicated. Find Weasle or Granger. Or someone.

She stood up, forgetting lavender, who stopped in a mid ramble and raised an eyebrow at Parvati who walked out of the room, in a daze. Lavender shrugged.

Parvati's eyes scanned the room, searching for a red head. Or a bushy brown haired girl. Whichever. Instead she found startling emerald eyes and messy black hair. He was walking towards her. Parvati spun around and gasped, as she faced Granger.

She nearly started. She looked over her shoulder at Scarhead and then turned her gaze back to Grangers.

"Listen, Parvat, I have to talk to you about Harry. And Ginny." Hermione started, and Parvati nodded fervently. She grabbed Hermione's arm and steered her quickly away from Harry's sight, herself also hiding from view.

"Let's go somewhere?" Parvati whispered, keeping her eyes on Harry who was now looking around, scratching his head.

"Yeah up to the dorm-" Hermione was cut off as Parvati shook her head, a wary eye still on Harry.

"Lavender's in there. Let's outside!" Parvati beamed, and pulled Hermione, swiftly out the portrait hole and down the corridor, no longer visible in Harry's point of view.

**HARRY'S POV**

Shit. He'd just seen her. Now she was gone. Damn. He had to talk to her. She couldn't avoid him either. No. Ginny stomped past him, pushing her roughly. Harry grimaced.

He didn't really care if Ginny was ignoring him. In fact, this was a good thing. But Ron was ignoring him too. And Hermione had vanished. Ugh.

Running his hand through his hair he walked out of the portrait and walked on the way to the Quidditch Field.

"I heard from Pansy that Potty and Weasle broke up, I wonder if it's true…" Malfoy drawled, loudly. Harry turned around facing half the Slytherin Team and some girls from the Slytherin house. They all had their brooms with them. Malfoy pretended to just notice Harry. He smirked when he received a glare that wished death from Harry.

"So it is then?" Parkinson giggled, looking at Malfoy with praise.

"Shut up." Harry said pulling out his wand.

"That was easy enough." Malfoy seemed amused. Rage pulsed throughout Harry's veins.

"I heard you went after Patil as well." Parkinson added, in a flirtatious voice. Malfoy raised an eyebrow turning to look at Parkinson.

"Really? Has Potter gone that-"

"Sod off, Malfoy." Harry snarled, and Malfoy drew his wand as well. He pointed it at Harry before he could react and,

"_Expelliarmus_." Malfoy sneered and there was laughter from the Slytherins as Harry's wand flew from his grasp and hit a few feet away from them. Scowling, Harry threw himself at Malfoy, slugging him in the face.

"What the fu-" was all Malfoy got out before his wand was kicked from his grip, and his mouth filled with the blood from his teeth.

Barely conscious of what he was doing, Harry punched Malfoy in the stomache a few times and strike Malfoy in the face around two to three times before, seeming somewhat satisfied, he stood up and kicked dirt at Malfoy's face.

"I told you to shut up." He said and threw a glare at the Slytherins before walking away from them, pleased with himself.

"Excuse me Mr. Potter." He froze, cursing under his breath as Snape's voice came into the air. _Run_. And Harry ran before he could hear the amount of points and his detention come out of Snape's mouth and into his ears.

To his surprise, and fate, he ran straight into Hermione and Parvati.

**Review. Two Chapters. That's a good thing.**

Author Note: It was there. I wanted to post it. Please review. I kind of like the first chapter. Well I haven't really read it after I wrote it. Meh.

(Thanks for pointing that out. Sorry about it. I always get them, Parvati and Pansy, mixed up, thanks to Black's Phoenix I fixed it)


	10. That's All You Thought I Was

Disclaimer: It isn't mine. When that changes, I'll write something more.

Warning: Thanks for your reviews. I like reviews. Warning: You saw it happen, and all the warnings previously are up here. I'm too lazy to get the, Cutting, Drugs (not yet, well i'm not sure, but its been contemplated), Parvati/Harry, Ginny's being a bitch, sorry. My unauthorized vulgar language, sorry. I had a horrible start for the new year. Sorry for the big delay. I feel so sceptical and sarcastic nowadays.

A/N: monks, thank you for the introduction to Senses Fail. They are my new favourite banddd! All thanks to you! Guess what? I love The Irony Of Dying On Your Birthday, Bloody Romance, and Choke On This. Really awesome songs. Really awesome band. Thanks. And Thanks to TaraLi.

**HARRY'S POV**

Harry mumbled an apology, and pulled himself up. He held out a hand for Hermione who took it gratefully. He turned to Parvati, but she scowled and pulled herself up. Taken aback, he looked at Hermione who avoided his gaze.

"Umm…" He looked from one to the other, thoughtfully. Parvati looked fixedly at her feet. Hermione looked up at Harry uneasily and shook her head a fraction. Frowning, Harry took in a deep breath and let it out.

"I'm leaving." Parvati finally said, and she walked past Hermione, not looking at Harry once. Harry clenched his teeth.

"Leave it." Hermione whispered, putting a hand on Harry's arm. "We were just talking about you." Hermione told him, after a moment. Harry looked at Hermione, questioningly.

"Exactly what were you saying about me?" He asked, slowly.

**PARVATI'S POV**

Avoid his gaze, don't look him in the eyes, and he won't notice a thing, Parvati told herself repeatedly as she went into a run. How rude of him, crashing into her like that.

Slowing down to a walk, she started up a staircase. Her hand on the banister, her mind flew over what she had been talking to Hermione about.

"_Do you know about Ginny and Harry breaking up over you?" had been the first words to come out of Hermione's mouth. Parvati had been momentarily stunned, not sure of what to say._

"_Over me? Oh come on, you can't be serious." Parvati had let out a small,uneasy laugh. Hermione shook her head. Guilt piled at the pit of Parvati's stomache _(a/u: Stomache is how we spell it in Canada).

"_And, you've been acting quite strange for a few days now." Hermione went on, but Parvati remembered the look she had received from the bushy haired girl._

"_Oh, it's nothing, I've just haven't been feeling well." Parvati said, airily. She silently congratulated herself on her easiness and coolness with the situation._

_Hermione had frowned, and leaned against the wall. She had crossed her arms. She stared at Parvati for some time. _

_Getting uncomfortable, Parvati cleared her throat and stood up from her chair._

"_I...if that's it, then I might as well get going." _

"_No, there's more. Don't you want to know how obsessed Harry is with you the past few days?" Parvati wondered if Hermione was trying to get Parvati to fess up about something. Puzzled, Parvati shook her head._

"_Why should I, Granger. I don't care about Potter or Weasel." Parvati let a hint of impatience slip into her voice. She started towards the door. In all honesty, Parvati wanted to know, but…_

"_Actually, I think you do." Hermione's eyes narrowed._

"_Well you're wrong." Parvati said, sneering._

"_No, I can't be-" Parvati lost it, and let out a frustrated yell._

"_You can't expect ALWAYS to be right, Granger!" she had shouted before starting to stomp away from Hermione._

"_But Parvati-" She reached to grab Parvati when-_

"_Ooomph!" Parvati felt someone run into her, and she fell backwards onto Hermione, who hit the ground as well. She looked up and caught emerald eyes. Not him. Anyone but him._

_Run._

Wringing her hands, Parvati looked around the empty corridor. She felt lost. She turned around to go back to where she came when the staircase she had been on moved and she nearly toppled over.

"Woah!" She caught her balance and swallowed, looking around the strange hallway. She frowned looking around for a familiar route. None whatsoever. Actually it reminded her of-

"Padma, over here. I need you to help me with the Charms Essay and-Why did you change your clothes?" A voice asked and Parvati whipped around her eyebrows raised. It was her sisters best friend. Some gossip addicted prostitute. Now Parvati was just being a hypocrite.

"Umm…I'm not-" She started, but the words died at her lips.

"Oh, It doesn't matter, I just need some help. Ugh, you're dressed like your queer sister!" The girl let out a shrill laugh. Parvati scowled. Queer was she?

"I don't want you to be my friend anymore. You're rude. She is my sister after all!" Parvati hissed, the idea in her mind making her want to smirk. Her sisters friend's eyes immediately watered up. Kill her sisters life. Not physically but-

"Oh, I'm sorry! Padma, don't be mad at me. I mean, Parvati's just as close to me as you are!" She whined, now tugging relentlessly on Parvati's sleeve. What a suck up! It was almost pathetic.

Parvati, feeling smug, pushed past the whining tagalong and looked around the hallway for a way out. After all, when your sister comes to you for help, you don't exactly call them a bitch and tell them to get a life.

Which is what Padma had done to her.

"Leave me alone." muttered Parvati to the girl now bawling loud tears.

"Wh-why-I've been your best –f-friend since-"

"I don't really care." Parvati hissed in mono tone. This girl was really starting to piss her off. The pleading sensation in her left wrist had returned.

"Fine! You're really acting like a prat, you know that!" the girl blurted out, through her snivelling tears. Parvati scoffed.

"Really nice to know."

"I-I bet you're not even Padma! You're just acting like her aren't you! You're really Parvati!" There was realization dawning on the bitch's face and Parvati quickly made a decision. She pulled out her wand and hissed a memory charm on the girl's mind, which glazed over.

"P-Padma what are you-"

"_Stupefy_." Good enough. There was a thud as the girl hit the ground. Kicking her aside, Parvati stuffed her wand back into her pocket and proceeded down the hallway, a look in her eye no one could have interpreted.

"Padma, I've been looking all over for you!" Oh no, not another one.

"What is it?" Parvati spat, at the approaching figure. Wait, Parvati recognized that flaming red hair and-

"Padma, the plan is back in action."

"Weasel." The word escaped her lips in just below a whisper.

"What?" Weasley mustn't have heard as her oblivious expression grew curious.

"Nothing, Ginny." Parvati forced her voice to sound perky.

"Well, you know the plan that Hermy called off?'

Hermy. That was catchy.

Parvati nodded, not bothering to open her mouth.

"Well, it's back on." Ginny was sneering now. Parvati resisted the temptation to roll her eyes outwardly.

"Yay." She said, with forced enthusiasm.

"Well you do know what-why are you dressed like Patil?"

"Well she is my sister you know, Carrot Top." _CARROT TOP? Was that all she could have thought off? _Her arm was now tingling for the rush of blood.

"Touchy touchy, what happened to you?" Ginny muttered, raising an eyebrow.

"Just a bad day." Parvati muttered.

"Right well, if you start feeling better, just to let you know, the Gryffindor Common Room is that way, and once you decide to play along with Hermione and I, just go ahead there with…those clothes. Seems like you'd already thought about it!" Ginny grinned.

Parvati's mind shut down, going completely blank. All planning against her. All against her. Working up on ways to hurt her, emotionally. All of them. All an act.

She didn't even hear Ginny's words as she quickly swept past Ginny, her eyes dry, towards the way Ginny had pointed.

"I'm not fucking Padma, Weasel." She shouted, surprisingly loudly. She heard a gasp behind her and she paid no attention to it.

She needed pain. Now. _Anything, to clear her mind completely. Anything._

**Please Review. Sorry for the long wait. **


	11. Losing It Completely

Disclaimer: It isn't mine.

A/N: Could I get more reviews? If you wonder why I don't update fast, well it's the fact that when more people review, it makes me type faster because other people take their own time to type up a review. So yeah. But to those who do review, I love you.

Oh yeah, Harry/Parvati, Parvati's cutting, No Drugs, yet, Ginny's a bitch, life sucks. The End.

_Just know,_

_We are,_

_A spec,_

_In time._

_I lock myself alone in a room,_

_Drinking till the clock strikes noon,_

_With just a pen, a pill, and some paper._

_Maybe I'll write a sad song,_

_Or another cliché poem,_

_About the person that I want to be._

_Colours Blind,_

_The eyes._

_Sounds defect,_

_The ears._

_Flavours kill,_

_The taste._

_Thoughts weaken,_

_The mind._

The Irony Of Dying On Your Birthday – Senses Fail

* * *

**HERMIONE'S POV (Bit Of Ginny)**

"Ginny I have to talk to-What is it?"

"She knows. Patil knows!"

"Of course Padma knows, she's playing a part-wait are you saying that the stupid prank, If you could call it that, is back on?"

"I don't know, but Parvati knows! That Patil!"

"How would she know? Ginny, what did you do?"

"I thought she was Padma."

"Oh, no. Ginny! Do you know what kind of impact this might have on Parvati?"

"You sound oddly concerned. Why?"

"Don't mind that, Ginny. Holy.." Hermione looked around her. "Don't you think what Harry will make of this?"

"Why does it seem like you're attempting to change the subject, very subtly."

"I'm not!"

"Now, you sound angry. Is there something I'm missing?"

"No, Gin-I've got to go. Don't' worry, and don't go on with the prank, it's bad enough for Patil as it is, just leave her alone!" Hermione turned away from Ginny and ran down the corridor, her bag flying behind her.

Ginny let out a frustrated growl, and looked at her watch.

She was late for Charms! No!

She ran in the opposite direction.

* * *

**HARRY'S POV (changes quickly to Hermione's)**

Harry scratched the back of his neck, as he scanned down the schedule for his next class. _Where was Hermione when he needed her at a time like this? _Walking in the direction of DADA, Harry muttered some of nothing under his breath.

Harry found he missed Ron, especially when walking in a crowded corridor like this, and everyone was staring at him. _Wait._ Why was everyone staring at him? What did he do? _They didn't used to need a reason to stare at him, why start now?_ But it felt like there was a reason.

Harry picked up his pace, not wanting to find out what he had done to receive the extra attention.

Then someone rushed past him with bushy hair. Acting quickly on instinct, Harry grabbed her arm.

"Hermione, I'm right here!" The words fell out of his mouth before he suddenly felt ego centered. What if Hermione wasn't looking for him? Then he noticed the panicked look on Hermione's face and his mind changed gears. "What's wrong?"

"What? Harry-Oh it's you. I was looking –" Hermione looked past Harry's shoulder, fervently before letting her gaze turn back to Harry's thoughtful green ones. "Nothing, no one. What is it?"

Harry let go of Hermione's arm, still thinking.

"Who were you looking for?" He asked, since obviously it hadn't been him.

"Oh, just my partner for Herbology, but…it really isn't that important since I've already finished finding out what the plants were for. So, did you need me or something?" Hermione smiled at Harry who frowned staring at her. Harry noticed a distraction in her eyes though. _Hmm.._

"You seemed in an awful rush to get to your partner." Harry said, quietly.

"It's alright, Harry. What's wrong, you look lost?" Hermione asked, and Harry started to walk again, this time Hermione at his side.

"Oh, nothing. I just miss Ron. And do you have any clue why everyone is staring at me?"

"Oh, yeah. Malfoy passed on to the rest of the school about your infatuation with Parvati."

Harry nearly tripped over his feet.

"What?" His mouth worked wordlessly to find something to say. "B-But-I-I-She just-I never even-Dammit!" Harry swore under his breath, walking faster. Hermione kept his pace, watching him carefully.

"Harry!" She scolded after Harry said a chain of horrible words under his breath, all concerning Malfoy.

"What?" He snarled, eyes narrowed. Hermione stopped walking, and Harry did as well, a little bit ahead from her.

"You're DADA classes are this way, in case you've forgotten." She said, coolly. Harry stared at her blankly for a moment before realizing what she said.

"Oh." Then- "Aren't you coming?"

For Hermione had started to walk in the other direction. Hermione gave him a look over her shoulder.

"Yeah, I will, in a bit." She said, before turning around and hurrying away.

"Fine." Harry muttered, scowling, and he entered Moody's classroom. Only after he took his seat did he realize that Hermione would be late for class, if she ever came.

* * *

**LAVENDER'S POV**

There was obviously something wrong with Parvati. Her interest in clothes, not her taste, has worn off. How could that be possible? Parvati didn't even want to go to Hogsmeade for the fact that there was nothing to do! Shopping for clothes didn't even ring a bell for the poor girl.

Lavender had to do something about it. She wanted her old best friend back. I mean, they were surely even now, weren't they? Lavender had missed Parvati, as she told her best friend on many occasions. Lavender just wondered why Parvati had changed so much. She didn't care about anything anymore. Anything; classifying boys, clothes, boys, some more clothes, shopping, boys, and more of the above. But Parvati always wore the expression of not caring.

Lavender had figured this out in two days of hanging out with her friend. Oh yeah, and Hermione Granger had become very obsessed over Parvati as well. Just a few moments ago, when Lavender had been eating her Shepherd's Pie without a worry in the world, Granger had to ask Lavender where Parvati was.

She was _obviously_ in the Girl's dorm. Complete simple logic, Granger.

Now heading back to the Girl's dorm room, Lavender earned a curious look from Potter, who had been staring intently at the door of the dorm room just a few seconds before.

Lavender stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. The room was dark. She frowned.

"Parvati?" Lavender said, in a rather quiet voice.

"What! Oh-I-" There was some shuffling, a grunt, and then the curtains of the poster bed opened to reveal a rather flustered looking Parvati. Pale, though. So very pale.

"What are you doing?" Lavender asked, frowning. She walked towards where Parvati was half hidden and Parvati quickly gasped, disappearing from sight behind the curtains. Lavender wondered if she imagined the quick hiss of a spell or not before the curtain opened again.

"What is it?" Parvati asked, almost a bit too cheerfully. Lavender noticed nothing in her eyes. Well something. But nothing she could interpret.

Lavender sat on the edge of Parvati's bed, still looking at her, searching for something, not knowing what it was.

"Ooh, I was just wondering why you didn't come to dinner." Lavender said, conversationally. Parvati's face blanked, almost as if she had completely forgotten about dinner.

"I completely forgot." Parvati gasped, proving Lavender to be right.

"How could you forget?" Lavender said, laughing. But there was no laughter visible on Parvati's face, so she quickly stopped. "Are you really hungry?" she asked, now feeling concerned.

Parvati quickly looked at Lavender, almost surprised at her words, at her tone.

"What? No. I mean yeah, but I'll just go grab a bite right now, so I can come back and make it before curfew." Parvati said, quickly making a decision and standing up. Lavender followed, startled at the sudden movement.

"Should I come?" she asked, just for company.

Parvati stared at Lavender, for a second, a look on her face.

"No, it's okay. I can make it on my own. It's not that hard." Parvati said, and Lavender wondered why she got the feeling of Parvati's words meaning more then they were supposed to. But before she could question her friend on this, Parvati had gone, out the door and into the Common Room.

Lavender didn't follow, but went to her own bed and lay on it, thinking.

* * *

**PARVATI'S POV**

What did she think she was doing? Confusing her like that! Why would she dare to do something like that! Act as if she cared! Parvati didn't' know why exactly she was so infuriated with Lavender but as she stormed past a few Gryffindors in the Common Room, there was some sort of fire in her eyes.

"Parvati!" Her heart stopped, and Parvati stopped walking, almost tripping over her feet. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"What is it, Granger! You've been stalking me all day!" Parvati spat, anger from who knows where blazing through her voice.

Hermione looked taken aback, gazing at Parvati.

"I just wanted to talk to you." She said in a soft, thoughtful voice.

"Well, I don't want to talk to you!" Parvati couldn't help but raise her voice at the other girl. Her fists were clenched, long nails digging painfully into her upper palms.

"Let's just have a word-"

"Why!" It wasn't a question. It was a shout, a cry for help. "Why, why, why! WHY?"

Hermione stared at Parvati.

"What?" But Parvati barely heard the word as she fell into a rant, tears blurring her vision.

"Why the fucking hell would you want to talk to me, Granger! The same reason as Brown's hanging out with me? Pity? The same reason Harry's-" She didn't even realize she had used his first name, "-bothering with me? Well, you can all act, but I know the truth, and this isn't fucking working. ALL A FUCKING ACT! I KNOW IT! ALL OF YOU ARE FUCKING AGAINST ME!" She didn't care how paranoid she sounded.

Hermione stared at the tears now streaming down Parvati's face. Parvati's face fell, and she caught her breath.

A lot of people were looking now and Hermione looked around, almost apprehensively.

"Shall we go somewhere; I really do need to talk to you."

"No. I have nothing more to say to you." Parvati said, before turning around and fleeing the room.

"But I have-" _something to say to you._ Hermione's words died on her lips.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yes, why is Hermione so obsessed over Parvati? Why indeed. I think Hermione had a hint, a sort of concern about Parvati. Why? You'll find out later. For now, just think about it as being Hermione's 'smart' instincts going into work.

Sorry for the delay. Sucky weeks.


	12. Wondering and Watching

Disclaimer: Not mine. Leave me alone. I like the plot, and I think that's mine. Yeah, it is!

Warning: Parvati/Harry, Parvati's a cutter, Hermione is obsessing, Ginny's bitching, Hary's being thick as usual, and the rest is unknown, for the author's mind is a horrible place to be in.

_So slice, _

_Open my veins._

_And let,_

_The romance bleed away.._

Bloody Romance – Senses Fail.

* * *

**HARRY'S POV**

Hermione hadn't come to class for the rest of the DADA class. He had been dying to know exactly what Hermione and Patil had talked about but when he'd asked, Hermione glared at him and said, "None of your business." Harry didn't know what to do.

Umbridge(a/n: I've decided it on being the fifth year, and you do the calculations. If you have a problem, please tell me) had madeDADA a living hell. He walked down the corridor, yawning to himself. He had seen neither Hermione, Ron, or Patil at Dinner.

Muttering to himself now, he suddenly spotted a red haired Ron picking up his spilt materials for potions. Harry paused, wondering if he should go help. After all…

Sighing, Harry walked over to Ron, and silently started to pick up all of his second-hand objects. He then put it into Ron's backpack. Ron was staring wearily at Harry, but when Harry got up to leave, Ron stopped him, getting up as well.

"Harry," Ron started, pulling his bag, and smiling half heartedly at Harry. "Thanks."

Harry smiled, nodding.

"No problem."

They stood there for a moment, both sides not knowing what to say next.

"It's been really quiet lately.." Ron mumbled, and started to walk beside Harry as they went to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Yeah it has been." Harry muttered, a smirk playing on his face.

"Just trying to make conversation." Ron mumbled. It was an unspoken agreement. No one would mention the past few days. And they were friends.

Again.

* * *

**HERMIONE'S POV**

She rushed to her DADA class, to apologize to Umbridge, her mind working restlessly. _She had missed her DADA classes. _Not a good thing, certainly not a good thing. She ran at full speed before-

Thud.

She fell back, alarmed by the sudden force, and let out a cry. Her bag fell a bit from her, objects spilling forth. Scowling now, Hermione pulled herself up into a sitting position. Then-

Malfoy.

Her anger grew more at this, and she stuffed all her things into her bag, and stood up, her furious gaze never leaving Malfoy's.

And, apparently all of his items were still in place. Angrier more, she started to stomp away when he said something.

"You know, Gryffindors should really watch out for each other a lot more." Hermione spun around but Malfoy was already off in the other direction when she called out,

"What?"

"Well," Malfoy stopped in his tracks, his back still turned to Hermione, who then realized his minions were not there beside him. "You see, us Slytherins watch out for each other, yes probably for the wrong reasons, but we always know if something is wrong with someone we know." He paused.

Hermione stood there, waiting for more.

"Is there anything else?" She asked, impatiently after a moment, hoping he would get to the point. Malfoy still didn't turn around.

"If you haven't figured it out now, Granger, you won't figure it out in time."

"What?" Hermione shouted out, almost in panic but Malfoy was already off, gone.

"Shit." She cursed, completely forgetting that it was against her moral values. She glanced at her watch once again, before rushing off to the class, putting what had just occurred at the pit of her mind.

* * *

**HARRY'S POV**

After breakfast, Harry headed towards Potions, Ron having forgotten his essay at the library, and he had rushed back to go get it.

He glanced out a window, and his eyebrows creased when he saw a girl with long black hair standing at the edge of the lake, her arms spread out. Her back was turned to him.

She reminded him oddly of someone. He stopped walking, and continued to watch the girl as she threw her head back, her hair flowing freely. Beautiful, so beautiful. Yet, something about it made it seem suspenseful. Something was going to happen.

But nothing did. The girl simple took a few steps back, still not turning around, and falling, her back hitting the tree and the rest of herself sliding to the ground, into a sitting position. Her face wasn't visible still.

She was staring at something she was holding, apparently.

Sighing, Harry turned away and continued his journey back to the Common Rooms. He wondered momentarily who that girl had been, but then, he realized the beauty of what he had witnessed was not knowing who it was.

* * *

**LAVENDER'S POV **

She yawned and sat up, rubbing her eyes. She let out a small gasp as she realized Parvati hadn't returned from her last night tri-no she was right there. Lavender's gaze fell on the smaller, pale girl. She swallowed, and swung her feet to the floor, watching her best friend. A quick glance at the schedule Granger had put up on the wall told her Potions would be the first thing.

She glanced back at her friend and her breath caught in her throat. Parvati's hands were outstretched, palms up, her left hand hanging from the edge of the bed and her other hand across her stomache.

Lavender's eyes were on the left hand, trailing down the scars, and the red scabs. She swallowed hard.

"What have you done?" She breathed, almost silently but at those words, Parvati's eyes flew open. One look at Lavender's expression said it all. Her eyes flew to her left hand. She pulled it back, even though she knew the damage was done. Parvati sat up.

"You saw them, didn't you?" Parvati whispered, her eyes not blinking.

Lavender nodded, still trying to make some sense of what she had just seen.

Then a wand was pointed at her face and there was a cry of a Stunning Spell.

Quickly followed by a stunning charm, and that last thing she remembered seeing was a red flash of light before slumping into her pillows.

* * *

**PARVATI'S POV **

She pulled the curtains shut, breathing heavily. She looked at the clock on the wall. Breakfast would be over soon. Then potions. Someone would suspect something had happened to Lavender. She felt indifferent to the fact that she had just stunned her best friend.

She backed out from the room, knowing she was still in the robes from last night. No one was in the Common Room. She tore out of it, barely breathing.

She rushed down the hallway, not knowing where she was going. She felt unusually numb. Her heart was pounding in her ears. She wasn't thinking, just moving. She felt as if she wasn't breathing. She needed air.

She got air.

The wind blasted into her face as she stepped out of the castle, the doors swinging shut behind her. The sun shone on her, and Parvati embraced it, breathing in and exhaling.

_Air._

She wasn't thinking, no, she was feeling. Living. That was a bad thing, wasn't it? Well, she'll cherish it for the moment. Abandoning her mind once again, Parvati breathed in, and breathed out. Breathed in, and breathed out. She didn't even notice she was walking.

Breath in, and breath out. _Breath in. Breath out. _Breath in.

Hold it.

_Hold it._

She let go, gasping for air. She couldn't do that for very long. Berating herself for being so weak, Parvati looked around, thinking normally again.

_Quidditch Pitch._

Well, not that normally.

She walked over to a tree beside the lake and sat down, leaning her back against it. She pulled out her small blade, relishing the feeling of the sharpness softly digging into her fingers. She put more pressure in her fingers. It wouldn't bleed no, but there was pain. No, it wasn't called pain anymore.

She didn't know what it was called. And she knew she would never care. She pulled back her left sleeve and stared, impassively, at the cuts, crisscrossing down her wrist. There were mostly scabs, and a few red slits, still open, on the places where she had been working on for the past few days.

_Lavender_.

She put the blade on a piece of skin where she hadn't touched, and pressed, knowing that pressing only caused 'pain' but no blood. Well, it depended on how hard she pressed.

Right now she was pressing rather lightly, not knowing why. She stared at her wrist, and at the blade, now glinting in the sunlight.

"Pretty." She breathed, and then dragged it, pressing harder, across her wrist, crossing over a past scar. Irony.

Very.

No, where was the blood? She swiped it across her wrist, trying to keep along the previous line. There. A drop. Some more.

She let her head rest against the tree, breathing. It preoccupied her mind for a while, not thinking, just feeling. But it was gone, quickly. She glanced down, and did it again, her right hand's fingers now pressing firmly against the sides of the blade. Again there was blood, but the pain wasn't there. _It wasn't there. _It wasn't there.

Maybe she should just slit her veins and get it over with. There must be some sort of pain in that procedure. Her hand moved from the somewhat red spot on her lower wrist, and let the blade hover above the blue vein near just under her palm.

_Why?_

She pulled it away.

_Don't do it yet._

She still needed to do something before she ended this.

_Pathetic._

She agreed.

_Still, you must finish what you have to do, and do it typically, so that no one may suspect._

Yes. Let it be a surprise to them all.

_But for now, find the pain somewhere else._

She switched hands.

_Good._

She cut her right wrist with her left hand. Her pure, unblemished, clear skin was pierced. And yes. There was pain.

_There. Good enough for the moment._

Yes. It was. And she savoured in it, letting her head rest, once again, against the tree. She breathed. She felt nothing.

_Nothing. For the moment.

* * *

_

**Reviews please:) And I just realized I keep missing and forgetting to put in parts. Tell me what I've missed, and I'll fix it. This is what I get for not updating for so long.**


	13. Watch Me Bleed, Watch Me Die

Disclaimer: Not mine. Leave me alone. I like the plot, and I think that's mine. Yeah, it is!

Warning: Parvati/Harry, Parvati's a cutter, Hermione is obsessing, Ginny's bitching, Hary's being thick as usual, and the rest is unknown, for the author's mind is a horrible place to be in.

_Author's Note: I don't remember what's happening. This is just what's been in my computer. I don't like how there are so many favourites, and alerts, and hits, and like no reviews. But, what can I do to help it? Well, this is all that's in my computer. So, I'll need some pretty motivating reviews if you want me to start writing._

**Watch Me Bleed, Watch Me Die.**

**SNAPE'S POV**

Severus Snape stalked down the hallway, looking around for anyone who wasn't in their classes. He had just went to his Potions class to teach, and was completely aghast to find that there were only a few students present. Three, infact. All of them Slytherin.

He had a scowl on his face, and passed by a window that let him see the Quidditch Pitch. He threw a glance at it, feeling it unimportant, but then did a double take, as he saw a figure there. He glanced at his watch. No one should have been out. Looking out the window again, he could make out the figure, for it-no she, as he saw the long black hair- stood up and looked at the Hogwarts Castle.

Patil?! What did she think she was doing? Then he noticed the she was holding something shiny. Before he could get a closer look at the tiny thing, she shoved it away and headed back to the Castle. She saw her cradling her arm, hair covering her face.

Then Potter ran into him, making him momentarily forget about the Patil girl.

"Potter!" Snape spat, dusting off his robes, and glaring at the stupid boy.

"I'm sorry Professor-I'm late!"

"I know that." Snape said testily. "Go."

Harry sprinted past him in the right direction. Severus quickly stalked to the Great Hall and opened the doors. At the exact moment Patil had been about to open the door. She gasped, pulled back at Severus' sudden face, stumbled over her foot and hit the ground roughly.

Severus held out his right hand, eyes narrowed. "50 points from Gryffindor."

Patil didn't take it, but at his words, her eyes started to water, and she rubbed her left arms wrist, almost unconsciously. Then she took Snape's hand with her right hand, which didn't exactly fit. When Severus pulled her up, he marvelled at how light the kid had become. He wondered if Dumbledore knew about the food.

"What exactly were you doing?" Severus asked, spinning around and walking back into the castle. He didn't hear the girl follow, and when he turned around, he saw the girl staring at the floor, hugging herself.

"50 points again, Patil. Come inside."

Patil shuddered and took a step in. The doors closed behind her.

"Sorry."

"Go that way." Severus ordered, pointing. "That's your next class." He wondered if this girl was mentally challenged or something.

"I can't go back in there!" Parvati said, gasping and looking at Snape with shock.

"You have to. That's your next class." Severus was no longer annoyed, but intrigued. The girl had started to rub her left arm nervously. Then her right.

"But-I can't face them!" She said, distraught. Then, to Severus' complete confusion, the girl started to sob. "The-They all know!"

"Know what, Patil?" Severus asked in a gentler tone.

"That I-" Parvati quickly cut herself off and put both hands to her mouth, staring at Severus. Then, she lowered her hands and looked at Severus with both fear and pain. "I'm going to be expelled." She breathed.

"For what Patil?" _Now_ Severus was getting frustrated.

Patil put her hands to her ears, and shook her head. "Please, please, please God, if you're there, don't have let Lavender told." And with that, Patil whipped around and sprinted, her hands falling, as fast as she can in the opposite direction.

Severus Snape opened his mouth to call after her and take away points when another Gryffindor crashed into him, along with a blonde Slytherin. He looked in shock, and then rage, at Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger.

**PARVATI'S POV**

"UGH, Weasel, get out of my fucking face!" Parvati spat with random anger, and shoved the girl that had run into her on the ground.

"What is your _problem_?"

"YOU! NOTHING! You! Noth-" Parvati broke off and wiped some stray tears off her face. "Leave me alone, Ginny. _Please._"

Parvati didn't stop to see Ginny's reaction, but sprinted back towards Gryffindor-Wait, what if Lavender was at Potions? No, she wouldn't be.

Hopefully.

But she was Stunned. So hopefully no one had found her.

"Lavender!" Parvati called out as she hissed the password and stepped into the Gryffindor Common Room. "Enervate, Lavender!" Parvati shouted, holding out her wand. There was a thud in the dorm.

She rushed up the stairs and threw open the door.

"Lavender. I'm sorry. Don't tell anyone. I was scared."

Parvati fell to her knees, staring at the somewhat dazed girl on the bed. "Parvati? What are you-" Her face then comprehended shock, and stared at her. "You cut yourself."

That concept was so simple, it was hilarious: Parvati cut herself.

"Lavender, I'll understand if you don't want to be my friend, but please, please, don't tell a soul." At this Parvati started to cry again.

"Can I see them?"

Parvati shuddered and her tears stopped flowing. "_What?_"

"Could I?" Lavender looked at Parvati guardedly. Parvati stared at Lavender. Then she shut her eyes.

Slowly, she found herself nodding, and pulling up the sleeves of both her arms, and facing upwards, her wrists were there, the left scarred and scabbed, and right scabbed, still bleeding and open.

"That's not healthy."

"Do you think I care?" Parvati asked, sourly.

Lavender looked taken aback. "Well…I guess not…"

"Exactly. So you won't tell?" Parvati got to her feet, her tone business like.

Lavender didn't' know what to say so she shook her head.

"Good."

* * *

_**Review, if you want more. Or I'm dropping this fic.**_


	14. Why Would You Let Go?

Caught Uu In A Reflection

Disclaimer: Not mine. Sorry for the long long delay. The reviews were amazing, by the way. Touched me, all of them.

**Why would you let go?**

**PARVATI'S POV**

When she did walk into Potions, there was only twenty minutes left into class. Lavender had hurried away, when she realized the time, but Parvati had to get a hold of herself, again.

The fresh cuts, made only a few minutes ago, still burned under her sleeve.

Everyone was busy over a cauldron, and no one noticed her appearance, or disappearance for that matter, at the door. No one except the potions master, who was staring at her, his expression unreadable. She realized he was gesturing for her to go to him, and realized she had no choice but to.

_Unless you run out now and kill yourself._

That's pathetic.

_I suppose it is._

Feeling somewhat calmer then she had in a while, she felt herself walking towards the professor, who pushed aside some papers on his desk and looked up at her.

"Patil."

"I'm sorry Professor. I...I had something to do."

_How lame. You fully told him something was wrong with you when you last saw him._

"Patil," Snape started, when he noticed the girl rubbing her left wrist apparently subconsciously.

"I deserve a detention, I know. Please don't report me, please. I'm sorry, I won't be late again." She found herself rushing through, desperately. She didn't like that look in his eyes. He wasn't mad. He wasn't even irritated.

"Patil," her professor said for the third time, somewhat sterner. Parvati fell into silence. "After class, I would like to talk with you privately." He blinked, still staring into her own eyes. She had the sudden urge to avert her gaze, but she didn't. It would've seemed suspicious, and she was acting suspicious enough as it is.

"Yes, Professor Snape."

"It's too late for you to start making a blood replenishing potion with the rest of the class," He paused, and Parvati suddenly flinched. _He knew._

No, he couldn't. At this however, Parvati found herself break eye contact, but continue to look over his shoulder. Snape continued to talk.

"...however you could join Malfoy's group, Crabbe and Goyle don't seem to be doing much with helping him." Parvati looked up, and tried to register those words.

_Oh well. Malfoy couldn't make things worse._

"Yes, sir."

"Remember to see me after class." He looked back down at the pages on his desk and took started to mark them. Taking this as a dismissal, Parvati turned around. Immediately her eyes found emerald ones. Staring at her.

"Malfoy, Patil is joining you."

Parvati looked away to find grey eyes piercing through her.

"Great, finally someone worth working with." A smirk. Parvati stared at him. The smirk melted.

"We're doing this because no one got it right?" She finally said, walking over to his side.

"Yes. Well Granger did, but if anything happened.."

"Right." She looked into the potion. It was a dark purple. "Shouldn't it be red?" _Like blood._

"Yeah, well I'm stuck." Malfoy said, eyes narrowing.

"Clearly." Parvati found herself able to hold a conversation with the other boy, and not really feel nervous. He was watching her carefully, she noticed.

"You're not going to help me, are you?"

"Try some of your own blood. You are pure blood, aren't you?" She looked up at him. She didn't really know what she was saying. The other boy's eyes widened a fraction.

"That wouldn't work."

"No, it wouldn't." Parvati nodded. He stared at her.

"What.." Parvati stared at him, staring at her.

"Your eyes are grey, Malfoy." She stated. She was aware of an emerald eyed boy listening.

"And yours are brown?"

"You used to." Parvati whispered, staring into grey.

"I used..to..."

"You stopped though. How?"

He blinked, and suddenly looked away. "How exactly would you know about that?"

Parvati found her eyes travelling to his wrist, covered by the robe.

"When you're searching for a place to go to be alone, you walk into a lot of things."

Malfoy looked up at her. "It'll be harder then you give it credit to be, to stop."

"I don't plan on stopping, Malfoy." She whispered. He looked at her, something like recognition lighting up his eyes.

"Granger's trying to get a hold of you for a reason."

"I know."

Silence. Parvati looked at the purple bubbling potion. What had just happened?

"No one cares, eh. Not a single one notices, if you keep your facade up. Even if it cracks a little, people still only see what they want to see." His voice was soft. As if he were telling her, her thoughts.

She felt a smile on her lips, as she looked up into grey.

"Malfoy, that wouldn't matter. Not if I still cared. Because at one point, that was all that kept me up, Dray." She felt the pet name smoothly slip out.

He didn't even flinch. He smiled at her, almost warmly. If only Malfoy's could smile warmly. Then he smirked.

"Green radiates off of green."

Parvati blinked.

"Excuse me?" Draco shook his head, looking as if he were stifling laughter. Parvati frowned. And then looked into the blood replenishing potion which was turning lighter and lighter. She started to lift her wand, when she saw a dark stain on her already black robes. Crimson. Seeping through.

Quickly, Parvati's eyes went out of focus in panic.

Fuck.

"Parvati?" Concern was subtle in the boy's voice.

Parvati's eyes widened as a small drop from her wrist formed on the robe, and then fell into the potion like a tear. She pulled her hand back before anyone noticed.

Almost immediately, and yet quite unintentionally, the potion turned a ruby red. Parvati blinked. So did Malfoy.

Crabbe and Goyle were playing the shoulder game.

"What did you do?'

"...I...Nothing."

"Ah, very good Malfoy. I knew you'd get the job done!" Parvati jumped, as a voice appeared right behind her, sounding throughout the room.

Her hand fell to her side, and her shoulders relaxed. Malfoy would obviously get the credit. Why did that disappoint her so, though? Shouldn't she be relieved?

The bell rang.

Had time gone by that fast?

Suddenly she felt a pair of eyes that seemed to have been watching her the entire time. She just became aware of it.

The same feeling as...

A hesitant glance over her shoulder into emerald told her who'd been watching her. She looked back towards the crimson potion. And then saw Draco looking to her.

The class started to pack.

"Class is dismissed today. We shall continue tomorrow." Professor Snape said, and walked towards the front of the class to his desk.

Dread filled her body and made her feet lead. She felt onyx eyes boring into her now, as well as emerald.

She had to talk to him.

And he would know.

And then she would be expelled.

Or labelled nuts.

And have to go to Mungo's.

Because she needed the asylum.

She didn't even hear a somewhat annoyed voice calling her name. She looked up into silver.

"Our conversation isn't done. We will continue this."

Was that his way of telling her not to kill herself just yet?

He turned around and walked away, the two ogres following him.

"Parvati..." Another voice. She hadn't heard his voice in...what felt like forever, even though it hadn't been.

She didn't want to turn and meet those emerald eyes, at such proximity.

She didn't move.

There was a pause.

He was probably a little less than a metre away from her.

"Parvati Patil, please come up here."

She was almost relieved when Snape called her up. Ignoring Harry, she walked up to the front of the class room, eyes half open. She felt so tired.

"Will everyone please leave before I give you all a detention?" Snape ordered, coldly. There was a flurry of robes as the classroom emptied itself. Parvati looked up only to see reluctant emerald eyes, and then looked into onyx ones.

"Parvati." Such a soft tone. He was already pitying her.

"Professor Snape, I'm going to be late for my next class." _Distraction. Now._ Subconsciously, Parvati felt her other hand go to her left wrist and rub gently. She felt her vision blur a tad bit, but told herself to focus.

"Stop it." He told her harshly.

_Stop what?_

She let her eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"What?"

Frustration was visible in those eyes for a quick second before-

"Legimens."

And Parvati screamed.

* * *

**Please tell me if I did something wrong. It's been over a year. Over two, I think. So yeah.**


	15. Remember when you looked away? Remember

Caught Uu In A Reflection

Disclaimer: Not mine. This is another update... not sure why I'm updating so much.. It's because this has been in my computer for a while. Not betad or anything. And I have over 20 000 hits for this fic. So I'm SORRY if I expected a review once in a while, here and there.

Moreover, correct me if I'm wrong, my last author note consisted of:

_**Disclaimer: Not mine. Sorry for the long long delay. The reviews were amazing, by the way. Touched me, all of them.**_

Therefore, I didn't even fucking as for a review. And I was some pathetic thirteen year old when I was last writing this fic. Now, I'm not saying all thirteen year olds are whiney little brats, but I will say I was one. So sorry for my immaturity and simple need for reviews and encouragement. I SIAD pathetic. And, because I was younger, I supposed I just wanted to jump into the fucking plot already. I suppose I had an idea of what I wanted to happen, and I didn't even try and grow into it, but just fucking GET to it. So yeah. Now I just updated so I could put this as an author note. That's why this update is so slow.

Now onto the rest of my actual author note.

Btw, conclusion: This fic really only has one plot. The classes, t he teachers, they're all fucked. Because I was fucked when I was writing them. And I'm just too lazy to go change them. All I really want to happen is Harry/Parvati with a bit of Draco, and get Hermione understanding, Snape figuring it out and doing what he will, and Ginny to get what she deserves. And Ron / Hermione if I can. I'll throw in dry humour whenever I can. But this mostly just centers around Parvati's mental state of mind. That's all I really like clarifying. So don't spaz about the continuous fuck up in the area settings and what not, mk?

**Remember when he looked away? Remember when it killed you?**

**PARVATI'S POV**

_No. No. Too much._

Her parents fighting. Everyone leaving. Padma...her twin... Lavender, her best friend. Harry Potter... Everything...

Blood. Dripping. Bleeding. Cutting. Her wrist.

_Her wrist._

Everything got darker.

Her memories faded, and she saw Snape standing there, looking frozen.

And then everything went black.

**SNAPE'S POV**

What the fuck.

No.

What the fuck was that?

No.

It had been hard to read her mind without saying "Legimens."

No.

She'd tried so hard to keep it all locked away.

No.

Parvati Patil...

No.

Almost killed herself, did she?

No.

Cutting so much she almost bled to faint?

No.

I knew this as soon as that habit sparked up.

No.

I could've...

_NO._

Snape looked now at the girl who'd collapsed on the floor. He couldn't take her to Madam Pomphreys. Not if he didn't want her to commit suicide before being sent to Mungos.

Snape sighed and walked towards the girl's side, and crouched. He picked up her wrist, the right one, which was usually cutless, and pulled back the robe. He blinked. A large gash. Probably earlier today or yesterday. Still bloodstained.

He pulled her robe over her wrist.

What could he do with her?

Many students cut, Snape knew this. He'd done it as a kid. Granted, what he'd done had put himself in Mungos, after being put in a muggle asylum and then breaking all the windows. But her wrist was so similar to his own, when he was a child, that it frightened him.

He'd almost died. And he wanted to.

As soon as the line crosses itself from simple pain, to burning crimson, that's when the line between pain and death is crossed. Unconsciously, but usually crossed.

McGonnagal.

She had to know. She was the head of this child.

Would she understand, though?

Did _he_ even understand?

Parvati Patil...What happened to you?

He didn't want to see the other wrist. He smelt the coppery smell from his proximity as it was.

She had been standing on the Astronomy Tower.

Potter hadn't told a soul, had he? Foolish boy.

A groan. Then a string of almost incoherent words.

"Harry...no...Draco.."

Snape stared at the girl. What the hell?

Okay, first things first...The girl was much too pale. Get some blood into her. Second...

He didn't even know.

He levitated the girl and put a disillusionment charm on her. And proceeded to go into his own dorm.

--

**HARRY POV**

Harry frowned at Hermione glowering at the fireplace. He was back in the Common Room. Waiting for a particular brunette to walk him. Class had been over ages ago. She'd yet to return. She wasn't even in the Great Hall for dinner. He'd also had a side sweet conversation with Malfoy.

"_Dirt into my face, Potter?"_

"_..."_

_Spells shot from Malfoy's wand, but Harry didn't move. He closed his eyes and waited for them to hit him, so he could fall over and then Malfoy could walk away._

_His wand flew out of his hand. Which was unnecessary in any case._

"_What the fuck is wrong with you?" Harry raised his eyes to the grey ones of the other boy._

"_Nothing."_

"_What the fuck, I could kill you right here! Or stun you and leave you nude hanging on like..."_

"_Go ahead, Malfoy." Why wouldn't he just shut up and do it._

"_...Why don't you do something about it?"_

"_There's nothing I can do. I have it all coming to me."_

"_Yeah, if it's too late. If it isn't, you can always do something about it."_

"_I fucked up when I first did something. Because it was empty."_

"_Was it really? If it was, then you wouldn't have done it."_

"_It was ridiculous. Now she won't even look at me."_

_Silence._

_Harry stared into grey, as Draco pulled a smirk onto his face. _

"_I thought we were talking about duelling, Potter."_

"_...I.."_

"_Go find her, Potter." He lowered his wand, and rolled his eyes. He turned his back on him and walked away._

_Harry Potter stood there stunned, his wand just three meters away from him._

"Snape just wouldn't shut up about me slamming into him, even though Malfoy did the same! And ugh, Malfoy is absolutely infuriating! Ugh!" Hermione was rambling.

Harry for once didn't agree.

Harry got up. Thoughts muddled by brown eyes. And then Ginny. Poor Ginny.

Almost as if reading his thoughts, Hermione said, "Don't worry about Ginny." Harry looked to Hermione.

"But.."

"It wasn't a rumour."

"What?"

"The thing with Dean."

Click.

"Oh. I see. "

Why didn't that piss him off?

Because in his own way, he supposed he'd been doing the same thing.

And he'd just realized.

He had to go find her.

Harry Potter was out of the Gryffindor Common Room before Hermione could even notice.


End file.
